Now my comments are messed up!

What the hell???

If it ain't one thing, it's another...MorelaterZ--

This is a crazy idea...

I'm seriously considering giving plasma to get some extra pocket money. This is desperation, but also, it's a valuable service, as plasma cannot be duplicated in a lab. One can donate plasma up to twice a week, because it replenishes itself within 24-48 hours.

My ex did this religiously for a couple of years when we were still living in Norfolk, VA. That extra 50 bucks came in handy at times (you don't get the 50 bucks right away, you have to work up to it, at least in the plasma center he went to).

I've been bugging the temp agencies I'm signed up with for work, but they have nothing for me right now. I'll call Manpower in the morning, as they seem genuinely interested in getting me work.

Saon didn't call back like he said he was going to. He called me from his niece's house earlier, and he doesn't have a phone at the house yet. This was the last of his three days off, so tomorrow night, he goes back to work. He's so bored staying home because there is nothing to do there. There's no TV, radio, computer...and save for a bed and a stove, no furniture or appliances. We need to get that taken care of ASAP. I just want to get enough money to get down there so I can see what needs to be done. By the time I get there, Saon will have been paid again, so he'll have some idea what his every-2-weeks paycheck are going to look like.

So, in the meantime, I'll look into the plasma thing, and call the temp places and get me some coin and get my ass to "tha N.O." LOL

Gotta jump....MorelaterZ--

"Out on the road today..."

I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Little voice inside my head said Don't look back, you can never look back... --Boys of Summer, Don Henley (NOT The Eagles. My bad.)

The Ataris did a nice cover of this song.

In Other News:

So much for the tricked out 86 Mustang. Saon bought a Chevy S-10 pickup. He called today when Marc and Amalia were here (Tori took Joey and Scott to the doctor for checkups). That's when he told me about the truck. Later, we talked on Mess-up-enger about my coming down there, and all the stuff that needs to be done in the house. I got the addresses of a couple of temp agencies in the Gretna/Marrero/Harvey (aka the Westbank) area that I can contact when I get there.

I took Jeff to Marching Band practice, and I have to go fetch him at 9pm. He has practices 6-9pm Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Monday next week. Wednesday, it's from 8am-12noon, then the trip to the OKC National Memorial. This years halftime show is based on the events of April 19, 1995. I've always wanted to see the Memorial, it should be an interesting day.




I was going to post a series of rants yesterday, about various things that I found funny or ironic or just plain stupid (like why is J.Lo and Ben on every damned magazine cover, and who cares whether he cheated on her or not?), but I'm going to refine it and post it another time.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

What's wrong with my blog???

It's acting pretty weird today. Maybe it's my computer telling me that I need to either upgrade this thing or get a new PC.

The birthday thing I added last night has the number of days til the next birthday missing, and it's really ticking me off.

MoReLaTeRz--

"His breasts are bigger than mine. Do I dump him?"

Give me a break!

Check this out:

"Dear Coco,
For the past two months, I've been dating this guy who is very kind and sweet. We have a lot in common, and in many ways I feel as though I've found my soul mate. I've never laughed so hard with anyone, shared so many similar opinions or felt as though a man cared about me as much as I do when I'm with him. He's perfect in every way but one: He's overweight. I hate to sound superficial, but I have a hard time imagining myself having sex with him. I mean, his breasts are bigger than mine. Should I dump him?
— Squeamish in Seattle"

My answer:

So he's a fat guy, if he is perfect for you in every way but he's overweight, that shouldn't matter. Who you tryin' to impress there girly? Your homegirls? If your friends are really your friends, they'll be happy for you, no matter what the guy looks like.

As for sleeping with him, he may be the most incredible person you've ever been with for all you know. You never know until you try, now do you? I know of where I speak, sister. I have an overweight boyfriend, too, and he is more than I could have ever hoped for in a soulmate. Just remember, weight can be lost, if he chooses to do so. If not, then what concern is it of yours? He's still the same person inside whether he's heavy or thin, isn't he?

Coco's response:

Dear Squeamish,
My dear girl, for all you know, your super-sized lover is a sexual powerhouse. After all, there's a lot more to chemistry than skinny legs and six-pack abs; you could find he has an irresistible technique, agile fingers and other undiscovered assets. Maybe you'll find that your definition of "sexy" can be, well ... broadened.

I've seen skinny guys get fat and fat guys turn skinny, but I've never seen a nasty guy suddenly turn nice. Sexual attraction is an important component of relationships, but attraction to a person's character is what sustains the chemistry in the long haul. If you really think he's "perfect" for you in every other way but one, I suggest you keep an open mind. After all, weight can change; character doesn't.

One cool chick (so she's a cartoon chick, so what?!)

I don't normally get into cartoons, except maybe Pikachu, but there is something about "Kim Possible" I like. She's not portrayed as your typical teenage girl...and she's a redhead! I've seen the show a few times when I was watching with my niece, and it's pretty good. Much better than those annoying Powerpuff Girls!

That's it! That's what I have...

Bloggers Block!

See today's "Doonesbury" strip for reference. If you don't get Doonesbury where you are, go to ucomics.com

Something's bound to happen today. It's Sunday, and I have to cart Jeff down to Lake Hefner to go to Sea Scouts. I've already been out to get coffee and cigs for Mom.

When I go to New Orleans, Mom will just have to do that herself, huh?

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Insomnia SUCKS!

Good night.

(PS: the little flying whatsits probably came from the pantry, where something was left to rot. Even though it got cleaned out, it wasn't soon enough.)

This is my current desktop...if this works...

This is my Ragin Cajun:

F5

the friday five for the week ending Aug 08, 2003

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country? Picayune, Mississippi (to visit my boyfriend)

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling? I went to California to attend my father's funeral, and the next day, there was an earthquake (I flew out from Boston just in time for an earthquake???)

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go? To all 50 states by car

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car? All three actually, but if I had to be there quickly, then flying is the way to go

5. What's the next place on your list to visit? New Orleans!!
(and maybe I'll stay, who knows ;) )

"Do you want to be my next wife?"

Yes...Is this a serious proposal, I asked.

"Once I get divorced and get my life in order, yes," he said.

Pardon me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

~*~~*~*~~*~

Saon told me more about the house. It's two story (the bedrooms are upstairs), has one bathroom in need of a new floor, a kitchen that needs a fridge and some repairs to glass doors on the cabinets, and furniture (which he says he can get from yet another cousin).

He's also got his eye on an 86 Mustang, and he described the things he wants to do to "trick it out".

He got a small paycheck tonight, and will be paid every other Thursday. His next payday will be the 21st.

I gotta get some money somewhere. I gotta call Manpower and see if they have work for me next week.

It takes a lot to leave me speechless...and Saon has left me speechless. This is all happening so fast...I gotta take it all in. I'm sure this is what I want, but I'm not going to rush into anything this time. I want to do it right this time.

MorelaterZ--

So, what's new w/ you?

Nothing new here. I had 4 hours of sleep, tried to take a nap and couldn't fall asleep. I've already been out today to get Mom a couple packs of cigs.

I haven't heard from Saon today, but he'll be going to work here in a while, so maybe he'll call me from work sometime tonight. I want to know more about the house. I can't wait to see it. Maybe we'll have some ideas to fix it up if he put our heads together.

MorelaterZ-- if there is anything to write about.

Okay, so I told a li'l white lie...

so sue me.

Insomnia SUCKS!!!!!

I think I'm going to bed early (before 3am anyway...)

but i wanted to wish my ex brother in law, Ron a happy 45th birthday.

Just as an aside: Ron graduated from high school the same year that Saon was born...is that wild or what???

MorelaterZ--

Fortune cookie say: Good fortune will shine down on you today...

Saon called a little while ago with some awesome news...he has a house! His godfather owns the house next door to where he was staying, and told Saon he can live there rent free until the house is fixed up some (there are some minor repairs to be made), then Saon would pay his godfather 300.00 a month to live there. The house has three bedrooms, a bathroom and a small living room; all that for $300 a month! WOW!!!

He wants me to come down there for a week or so in a couple of weeks. He'll pay for my ticket there and back, but I won't be seeing much of the Big Easy this trip. More than likely, I'll be seeing the ceiling of the master bedroom...he he he...

(Dat Phan was just on the Tonight Show. I still don't think he's funnier than Ralphie. Dat's imitations of his mother are getting quite old.)

I am so thrilled that things are going Saon's way! A great job, a kickin' place to live, soon to have his fines paid off, and possibly a car in the near future...all that's missing, he says, is ME...

Let me digest this for a couple of days, then I'll have a good idea what I'm looking at. Me and Saon finally together, the way we planned last fall? Is it really going to happen?

One day at a time, Stef...take it one day at a time.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

These little sumbitches are driving me mad!

The nasty little flying whatsits that invaded the house over the last couple days. Jeff forgot to rinse out the milk jug on Sunday, and these little flying whatsits were attracted to the smell of sour milk (I guess), and now they are in to everyfuckingthing. One committed ritual suicide in the boiling water that cooked the corn we had for dinner, and the rest have seemingly found their way up here and are driving me up the bloody wall!

In other news, I'm going to bed.

(it's about fuckin time, don't'cha think?)

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

The shit hits the fan in Gretna

Saon came to the end of his rope with the people living in the house he was staying in. When I talked to him this afternoon, he was so angry he could feel his ears turning red.

No one in the house, except for Saon, was working. They spend their days drinking and getting high. That's not what Saon is about, and he felt that his cousin and his buddies acted all pissed off because Saon wouldn't conform and do what they liked to do. It finally came to a head and Saon decided that it was time to leave and take his stuff over to another cousin house.

Saon called me later from work and he sounded a lot calmer than he had been when he spoke to me earlier in the day.

He told me that he might not get a car right away and concentrate on getting his license back and getting a place to live. He also wants me to come down to N.O. and move in with him on a trial basis. I could come back to OKC when and if I needed to, then return to N.O. when and if I want.

If I'm going down there, I'm planning to stay.

I truly believe that once we're together, we'll be unstoppable.

Now I have to tell my family. I know at least one person who won't be thrilled to hear this latest news in my life.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

The Last Comic Standing is:

Okay, before I get to that, the 2 hour finale just dragged the results out. Recaps about what happened in the house, what the other comics thought of each other, etc. Finally, the voting of the previous week was revealed:

Tess: 7%
Cory: 12%
Rich: 18%

This left Ralphie and Dat. Each did a set of their material, then the announcement of who the Last Comic Standing would be.

With 35% of the vote, the Last Comic Standing is

Dat Phan

Ralphie got 28% of the vote. It was very close!

Dat now gets an NBC contract, a half hour special on the Comedy Channel, and will appear tomorrow night on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

IMHO...Ralphie should have gotten it.

MorelaterZ--

This makes me laugh...

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

My blog is rated PG-13 (see above), but my life is rated R!

And why can't I get to my blog, but I can get to BlogThis! ?

Hmmm...MorelaterZ--

Put your hands on the computer and feel the warmth of my sarcasm

From Daily Rotten's site:

They have a link to Hustler publisher Larry Flynt's website which states that there is a so-called "day of prayer" tomorrow at 12:45pm, to pray for the death of Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly.

Larry Flynt and prayer in the same sentence? I imagine God looking down on Flynt right now thinking, "I don't know this fool!" I'm sure that Lucifer has Ole Larry's pad waiting for him in Hell.

Aw hell...I've been praying for Larry Flynt's demise for years! He's scared of O'Reilly, and this is his way of getting back at the "no spinmeister".

To his credit, there is nothing on O'Reilly's site or Fox News' site about this.

Give us a little credit for brains, Larry, cause you're sitting on yours.

Peace out...O'Reilly rocks!

Those Nawlins people (or at least the ones Saon lives with) are crazy!

Saon started his job last night. He tells me that he worked all of about 2 hours, the rest of the time was spent sitting around waiting for boats to return. He says that he has to be a deckhand for 244 days before he can get his captain's license.

He wants me to come down for a weekend some time after he gets paid! He's going to pay for me to come on the bus, the motel..."I really need to see you, baby," he said. He asked me to look into how much a round trip ticket with a seven day advanced purchase was, and I said, "I think it's $118.00, but I'll look it up on Greyhound's web site when I get home."

He told me to go ahead and do that, and then call him late tomorrow morning to give him the info. I emailed it to him as well.

He was constantly interrupted on the phone by the various relatives/friends who were at the house. They were trash talking each other something awful and listening in, I couldn't help but laugh. These people are crazy! No wonder Saon wants to get out of there. Most of these folks don't even have a job. That was Saon's hook: "Least I have a job, motherfucker!"

I wonder if Saon can go more than five minutes without using profanity? Honestly, I don't think he can.

I want to see him so bad! I can't wait!

Okay, Stef...calm down!

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Drat...

JC's out of the office until next week!

Took Jeff to the school for his physical/uniform fitting this morning. North's uniforms are way different than the one I wore in my marching band days. There's a piece that could best be described as overalls, then the jacket, then a breastplate over all that! Those poor kids must roast during parades!

I wonder how Saon's first night of work was. I might call him around 1pm and see if he's awake. He got off work at 6am, then had to ride his bike home, which he estimated takes about an hour or so, which would get him home around 7am. After working for 12 hours in a very phyiscal job, I'm sure that he was ready to go to bed.

I'm pretty ready to take a nap...I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been drugged. And the headache...I wonder what that is all about...

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Some decisions (about the book) have been made

(To read some of my notes, go to my Carnyville blog at carnyville.blogspot.com).

I have the names of the two main characters decided upon. They had to be simple and true to the personalities I had created for them.

I have set a goal to finish my research, and start writing the story itself by January. That way I can turn 40 working on a specific goal.

I've also decided that I'm going to start shopping the manuscript around when I'm about half done with it, so that if rewrites are necessary, then they won't be overwhelming.

I still have to figure out how to get an agent who has my best interests in mind, and not on how much money he/she can get out of me. In this regard, I truly am a starving artist.

But first, I have to talk to some honest to God carnies, and not just talk to Saon about the carnival biz. I think I will talk to the folks who are going to do the Oklahoma State Fair in September. Although I'd like to talk to New England based amusement companies (because the story takes place in New England), right now that is financially impossible.

Right now, I have a splitting headache, and I have to take Jeff to school in the morning for his marching band uniform fitting. Why do they make the seniors do everything first? Wouldn't freshmen need to be fitted first because they haven't been before? Besides, I doubt Jeff has grown very much, so he could wear the same uniform.

Um, sorry, just wishful thinking on my part.

Gotta jump...right into the sack...MorelaterZ--

I wonder...

how Daniel's interview at the car dealership went yesterday? If anyone should be selling cars, it's Daniel. I don't think there is anything about cars that Daniel doesn't know.

Scary thought...Daniel selling cars and not drawing them! LOL

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

From Saturday...

I really didn't do anything yesterday, except a run to the store. Since the store is WalMart, I tend to get carried away and do some "window shopping" while I'm there to pick up groceries.

It's time for back to school, and so all the backpacks ans school supplies are out in force, and the summer stuff is now on sale. There's a pair of jeans I was looking at that were kinda cute, and a NASCAR tshirt and sweatpants set I kinda liked, until I saw the back of the pants...they had "NASCAR" written across the butt. Now, seriously...I think that the whole trend of putting slogans and such on the backside of pants and shorts is a bit stupid. The last thing I want is for someone to read something written on my ass. I'm a plus size gal, and my butt is not billboard, for cryin out loud! If it looks stupid on thin gals, then it would look even more stupid on someone my size! I can't wait for that fad to go out of style! Geez!

I tried calling Saon last night, but he wasn't home. The guy who talks like he has a mouthful of marbles answered the phone. I asked him to please tell Saon that I called. Betcha anything Saon never got the message. He starts his job tonight, and I want to wish him luck on his first day, er, night, since he works from 6pm-6am.

I'm taking Jeff to Sea Scouts in a bit. It's a relatively cool day (might get into the low 90's), so it should be nice for sailing.

I had a lengthy conversation with Jon yesterday. He kept talking about this gal he met at Salisbury Beach who works at one of the pizza shops on the strip. She's from Brazil, and she's apparently very nice. Jon kept sending these links so I can see pictures of this chick, but I am just not interested.

What. Ever.

I miss my baby. I want to be with Saon so much, but it'll be worth the wait.
*sigh*

Gotta jump....MorelaterZ--

Okay, I'm officially bored

I'm in a conversation with Jon. Oh, joy.

I talked to Saon last night. He's telling me he's gotta get out of that house he's staying at. One of his cousins was falling down drunk, and in turn got a teenaged cousin drunk as well. The older cousin was walking around the house with a loaded gun, and Saon told me that if I hear gunshots, to call 911 here and they would connect me to 911 in Gretna.

There were no gunshots, because the cousin passed out somewhere (in the house, I'm assuming). A female relative was bitching at Saon about getting long distance calls, about his not paying his fare share (kinda hard to do with no money), about there not being groceries in the house. Saon offered to call a cab so she could go to the store, or go himself, but she just kept bitching. Then someone else wanted to use the phone, so Saon asked me to call back about midnight.

At about three minutes to midnight, I called back, and the chick who did all the complaining answered, and I asked to speak to Saon. She said, "who?"

"Saon. May I speak with Saon, please?"

"Yeah, hold on..."

I could hear her going, "Saon...Saon, it's that girl again." Saon replied, "that's my girl, you be nice to her." Then,

"Hello?"

"Hey there, Saon, it's me again."

He had forgotten he asked me to call back, because he was getting ready to go to bed, but he stayed up to talk to me. It was quiet at the house, so he could talk without all the constant interruptions.

He told me more about his job, how much he expected to get paid, what his plans were for his first paycheck (pay off fines, get his license, buy a car), and looking into renting a room from another cousin who lives closer to his job.

He wants me to come to N.O., perhaps in September or October. Once he has a car, he's going to show me around ("The Westbank Tank Tour of the Big Easy" I called it), take me out on a crab boat on the bayous to see alligators and stuff, have a crab boil. It sounds like a lot of fun and I can't wait, but I must. Saon wants a place to live before he has me visit.

We talked about him getting his GED or taking a correspondance course to get his high school diploma. He really wants to do that, because he told me he had to leave school at 16 because he had no one to take care of him, and he had to work (both his parents are deceased, and he was no longer a ward of the state when he turned 16 in 1992).

He misses me, and I miss him. We want to be together, but we also realize that it can't be this very second. I need to make (and save) some money, and get my life straightened out some. He wants to have a place of his own, and get some stability. Then, when that's all done, we'll seriously talk about the things we want to do as a couple.

I gotta get a job, or some way to get some cash...and fast!

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Caught In The Rain

Revis--
from the CD Places for Breathing



Is it real?
We're always the same
We're almost alone now
Well, I was caught in the rain
Wasting my time on the ground

Waiting to call
Well, what would you say?
And, can you come over?
Well, I was caught in the rain
Wasting my time on the ground

It was you
Who could get me high
With whatever you say
You're telling me something real

What we do
It doesn't matter now
Whatever it takes
For you to stay with me

Trading thoughts
Across from the room
I saw you surrounded
Well, I was caught in the rain
Wasting my time on the ground

Feeling small
Without an escape
I almost let you down
Well, I was caught in the rain
Wasting my time on the ground

It was you
Who could get me high
With whatever you say
You're telling me something real

What we do
It doesn't matter now
Whatever it takes
For you to stay with me

It was you
Who could get me high
With whatever you say
Telling me something real

What we do
It doesn't matter now
When I was caught in the rain
You made me feel

You made me feel
Made me feel
I was caught in the rain
Wasting my time on the ground

Wasting my time on the ground
I was caught in the rain
Caught in the rain

Forever And For Always

(I just like what these words say.)

Shania Twain, from the CD Up!

In your arms I can still feel the way you
want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you whispered
when you told me
I can stay right here forever in your arms

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't not how
I'll never see that day....

[Chorus:]
'Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
We will be together all of our day
Wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face--always

Mmmm, baby
In your heart--I can still hear
a beat for every time you kiss me
And when we're apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love for me in your heart

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't now way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

[Repeat Chorus]

(I wanna wake up every morning)

In your eyes--(I can still see
the look of the one) I can still see
the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn't put anything
else in the world above me
(I can still see love for me) I can
still see love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)

And there ain't no way--
I'm lettin' you go now
And there ain't no way--
and there ain't no how
I'll never see that day....

[Repeat Chorus (2x)]

I'm keeping you forever and for always
I'm in your arms

fri 5

the friday five:

For the week ending August 1st--

1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
Around 9am

2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
I do sleep late on the weekends-- probably get up around 11am. Occasionally, I'll sleep later than that if I've been out the night before.

3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Get dressed and go to the bathroom

4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
About an hour, sometimes less.

5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
Either Denny's, IHOP, or Jimmy's Egg (a local place near my house)

Happy Birthday, Mom!

We had the kids here again today, so that Tori could take Daniel to look for more jobs. I had an appointment to keep and errands to run, so I got out of there soon after they arrived.

I got to my appointment in plenty of time. Another temp agency, where I had to fill out interminable forms, sit around waiting for one of the agents to be free to interview, and finally take some tests of my skills. It took all of about three hours.

Afterwards, I went over to Penn Square Mall to grab a bite to eat, then I head home. Tori and Daniel had returned from wherever they went, and we discussed where Mom wanted to go for her birthday dinner. We ended up going to Red Lobster when the waiting time at two other places was way too long.

While we were gone, Saon had gotten online and IM'd me, but he was no longer online when I got the message. *bummer:(

This person IM'd me wanting to talk about my writing. He wanted me to call him (he was local), but I said that I was not alone and I would not call him. Then he got abusive. He started calling me names, telling me that the "asshole" told me to block his ID. So I blocked him again, then a thrid time when he didn't get the message. Then I reported him to Yahoo for violoating the Terms of Service (TOS).

What a jerk! Does he think he's God's gift women. I looked up his profile, and he's just a kid, not much older than Daniel.

So that was my day for the last day of July. Exciting as hell, huh?

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Is it just me? Or are things just getting weird...

What'd I do? Seems that whatever I do, it isn't the right thing.

I had to go out and get copies of my resume. Since the printer here at the house is out of ink, I went to the library. As I usually do, I told Mom I was going out and would be back in a bit. Well Mom went ballistic! Apparently, she wanted to take a short nap and wanted me to wake her in an hour. When I told her I was leaving, she got all bent out of shape. After I left, I was mad. I run all her errands, do her shopping, banking, etc., and she gets mad when I want a little time to myself to run my own errands? Surely, she understands that I'm trying to find a job.

This was too much like yesterday when I was at my sister's house. I was watching the kids (again), and stayed over for dinner. She asked one of the kids to set the table, and when she didn't get any response, she lost her cool. She was ranting on about how much she does around the house, drives everyone everywhere they want to go, etc. She was actually was screaming and finally went outside to calm down. I finished fixing dinner and put Joey down for a nap. Tori didn't want to come in for dinner, because she was still upset. Dean had come home about this time, and he went to talk to Tori.

Marc had a baseball game @ 7pm, so I got everyone ready who wanted to go. I wanted to go home, so Dean took everyone to the ball game, Tori stayed home with the baby, and I went the hell home.

I was telling Saon earlier in the day, before I went to Tori's, that I didn't like being used as a free babysitter, and that I wanted to leave Oklahoma and go anywhere else. Saon wants me to come to New Orleans, but not until he got his life a little more settled.

I can't take the stress that I'm feeling by living here. I just want to get a job, save enough money to get out of here, and send money to my mother to help her out. I'm sleeping on the friggin couch, I'm doing all this stuff for my family, and if it weren't for my kids being here, I'd have never come here.

I am so miserable here. I have to make things better for myself here, just so i can have some semblance of normalcy.

Honestly, I think I need to see someone. I haven't taken Prozac in several months, and I'm getting that familiar sinking feeling again. Maybe things are getting weird.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Catching up...

Yesterday, I talked to Saon. He hasn't gotten a start date for his job, though he thinks it will be this week sometime. He was going over to his aunt's house (the one who owns the house he's staying at) for the afternoon, just to get out of that house. He's making plans to get his license back, buy a car, and find a place to live. I asked him if he could rent his aunt's house in Gretna, and Saon said "probably", but he really didn't want to, because the house is so small that "when you walk in the front door, you're already out the back door." There were so many things that he would have to do to improve that house, that it didn't seem like it would be worth it. He just plain doesn't want to live in Gretna, because it's a really rough place. "I wouldn't bring you here," he told me. "This is worse than Lawrence!"

Oh. "That bad, huh?"
"You have no idea, babe," he told me.

He told me more about his job, that it apparently pays well, and that when he gets his own place, then I could visit and decide if I want to stay. It's just not the right time for us resume our lives together, because he's still in that house. He says that I wouldn't be happy there, because not only would we not have any privacy, but he couldn't see leaving me there all day with the cousins and friends and God knows who else who hang out there.

~*~~*~*~~*~

Today, I went to Wal Mart to pick up Mom's meds and some other things. The first place I went was to the pharmacy. The pharmacy tech asked for the name, and I gave Mom's name. Then asked for her birthdate. Then, she asked if I was Jean! I felt like tell her, "do I look like I was born in nineteen twenty-friggin-nine?"

Okay, I do a lot of stuff for Mom using her debit card, but how could anyone mistake me for her, especially when I have to give her brithdate?!!

Stupid. Some people just don't think before they ask stupid questions like that.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Hmmmm

AQUA You enjoy life, humor, and being exuberant. Wherever you go you usually find yourself stealing the spotlight without even trying. You love to let go and have fun. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

Aqua? Why am I not surprised...

Hmmm...very interesting...

I went to theMind Media Brain Persuasion Test, and the results were quite enlightening.

~*~~*~*~~*~

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 33%
Visual : 66%
Left : 40%
Right : 60%

Stephanie, you possess an interesting balance of hemispheric and sensory characteristics, with a slight right-brain dominance and a slight preference for visual processing.

Since neither of these is completely centered, you lack the indecision and second-guessing associated with other patterns. You have a distinct preference for creativity and intuition with seemingly sufficient verbal skills to be able to translate in any meaningful way to yourself and others.

You tend to see things in "wholes" without surrendering the ability to attend to details. You can give them sufficient notice to be able to utitlize and incorporate them as part of an overall pattern.

In the same way, while you are active and process information simultaneously, you demonstrate a capacity for sequencing as well as reflection which allows for some "inner dialogue."

All in all, you are likely to be quite content with yourself and your style although at times it will not necessarily be appreciated by others. You have sufficient confidence to not second-guess yourself, but rather to use your critical faculties in a way that enhances, rather than limits, your creativity.

You can learn in either mode although far more efficiently within the visual mode. It is likely that in listening to conversations or lecture materials you simultaneously translate into pictures which enhance and elaborate on the meaning.

It is most likely that you will gravitate towards those endeavors which are predominantly visual but include some logic or structuring. You may either work particularly hard at cultivating your auditory skills or risk "missing out" on being able to efficiently process what you learn. Your own intuitive skills will at times interfere with your capacity to listen to others, which is something else you may need to take into account.

~*~~*~*~~*~

Pretty cool...it kind of reminds me of the SAT's...LOL. Take it for yourself at www.mindmedia.com. The results just may surprise you.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

It's getting hot in herre (sic)

I got so tired of this song because it got played to death at the carnival, but I heard it the other day and it reminded me of when Saon and I met...

Hot in Herre
Nelly, from the CD Nellyville


Hot in.....
So hot in herre.....
So hot in.....

(Nelly)
I was like, good gracious ass bodacious
Flirtatcious, tryin to show faces
Lookin for the right time to shoot my steam (you know)
Lookin for the right time to flash them G's
Then um I'm leavin, please believin
Me and the rest of my heathens
Check it, got it locked at the top of the four seasons
Penthouse, roof top, birds I feedin
No deceivin, nothin up my sleeve, no teasin
I need you to get up up on the dance floor
Give that man what he askin for
Cuz I feel like bustin loose and I feel like touchin you
And cant nobody stop the juice so baby tell me whats the use

(Hook x2)
(I said)
Its gettin hot in here (so hot)
So take off all your clothes

I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off

(Nelly)
Why you at the bar if you aint poppin the bottles
What good is all the fame if you aint fuckin the models
I see you drivin, sportscar, aint hittin the throttle
And I be down, and do a hundred, top down and goggles
Get off the freeway, exit 106 and parked it
Ash tray, flip gate, time to spark it
Gucci collar for dollar, got out and walked it
I spit game cuz baby I cant talk it
Warm, sweatin its hot up in this joint
VOKAL tanktop, all on at this point
Your with a winner so baby you cant loose
I got secrets cant leave Cancun
So take it off like your home alone
You know dance in front your mirror while your on the phone
Checkin your reflection and tellin your best friend,
like "girl I think my butt gettin big"

(Hook x2)

(Nelly hang all out)
Mix a little bit a ah, ah
With a little bit a ah, ah
(Nelly just fall out)
Give a little bit a ah, ah
With a little bit a ah, ah
(Nelly hang all out)
With a little bit a ah, ah
And a sprinkle a that ah, ah
(Nelly just fall out)
I like it when ya ah, ah
Girl, Baby make it ah, ah

(Nelly)
Stop placin, time wastin
I gotta a friend with a fo' in the basement (What?)
I'm just kiddin like Jason (Oh)
Unless you gon' do it
Extra, extra eh, spread the news
Nelly took a trip from the Luna to Neptunes
Came back with somethin thicker than fittin in sasoons
Say she like to think about cuttin in restrooms

(Hook x4)

(Nelly hang all out)
Mix a little bit a ah, ah
With a little bit a ah, ah
(Nelly just fall out)
Give a little bit a ah, ah
With a little bit a ah, ah
(Nelly hang all out)
With a little bit a ah, ah
And a sprinkle a that ah, ah
(Nelly just fall out)
I like it when ya ah, ah
Girl, Baby make it ah, ah

The Finals on Last Comic Standing

On Last Comic Standing, the finals were held from the Paris Hotel/Casino in Las Vegas. Jay Mohr does an intro, then explains the rules for voting for each comic. Voting by phone would be for one hour after the show ended, and voting limited to 3 calls per phone number. Each comic would have their own toll free number shown when they did their set. Voting would also be done via the internet at www.voteNBC.com. Internet voting would be open until midnight EDT on Wednesday, and would also be limited to three votes per email address. Safeguards will be in place to prevent what NBC's website calls "power voting".

Jay then introduced the first finalist:

Ralphie May: as usual, Ralphie had a strong and hilarious set, touching on such subjects as Operation Iraqi Freedom, high gas prices ("I want cheap gas, dammit!"), and rich folks who protest because they "feel guilty"; they protested cutting down trees for paper 2 years ago, and now are protesting "war for oil", holding (you guessed it!) paper signs. At the end of his set, the crowd chanted Ralphie's name.

Dat Phan: Dat did his typical set about his family, particularly his mother ("Run, Dat Phan, run!"). He touched on dating, stating that he didn't care what race the woman was. He once dated a white girl whose father was a Vietnam vet. When asked his name, Dat nervously replied, "Uh, Charlie, um, Dat Phan, geez!" He grew up in San Diego, where there are still some racist people. Two guys walk by him one day, making imitation Asian verbalizations. Dat says that he doesn't walk by white guys saying, "Cars, bikes, girls, food..."

Tess: Was Tess really a "big girl" stripper? She talked about doing lap dances and working for quarters. She did the stripping, she says, because she lost her "real" job as a plus size model. Why was she fired? Blame the big girl thong undies that didn't come with instructions. The skinny part goes in the back, girlfriend! Tess is taking applications for a husband after the show, but certain men need not apply.

Rich Vos: Getting to Vegas was a big hassle for Rich. He was asked about the toenail clippers he had in his bag. "What were you planning to do with these?" he was asked. "Take over the world," Rich replies. He goes on about the nickel slots in Vegas. What's this about nickel slot jackpots..."Jackpot! Two dollars! Who da man?!" On dating a 23 year old: "When she falls asleep, I steal her clothes for my daughters." He talks about his angelic-looking, but bratty ten year old daughter. She says to a rather large muscle bound man, "something wrong with your eyes?" The man looks over to Rich, who says, pointing to his girl, "she said it, not me!"

Cory Kahaney: Cory's big mouth gets her into tons of trouble. She overheard these two guys talking about whether women have better orgasms being on top or the bottom. Not being able to stand it anymore, Cory turns around and tells them, "actually, it's better when we're alone!" She has issues with low cut pants, and that she feels that she is the only woman left in America who wears panties. She's recently remarried, so now she has a husband and a teenage daughter, "and I have to buy two kinds of cereal." Her daughter likes hip hop and rap, and Cory rather likes the Eminem song "Cleaning Out My Closet", and tells her daughter that "if Slim Shady can clean his room, so can you!"


Next week, the 2 hour finale. Then we'll finally know who is the Last Comic Standing

MorelaterZ--

"Well, as long as you're not working, Stef..."

WARNING: Rant ahead--

Once again, we had the younger kids here today, while Tori took Daniel out to look for a job. I'm trying to get out and look for work myself, and I have to stop so I can watch my own sons and my niece and nephew (just as a point of refernece, when I separated from my ex, I gave custody of my sons to my mom and my sister. I haven't been able to support myself in the five years since, so I haven't been able to regain custody. Now my oldest sons are nearly adults themselves).

I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, because my mom can't watch all those kids without help. And because of that, I can't get out and look for a job for myself. How am I ever going to get on my feet if I can't get a job?

I think that this is why moving to New Orleans to be with Saon is so appealing. As much as I want to be here with my kids, I feel like I'm just being used as a free babysitting service by my sister. I did not move here from New England for that purpose, I came here to get back on my feet and possibly regain custody of my two youngest sons.

I just don't think that this is possible while living here. While I was out today job hunting, Mom calls me on my cell and tells me that Tori is dropping the kids off at the house, and could I come home? So I come home, and I spend the rest of the day until shortly before I started writing this post watching the kids. Then Scott had a baseball game, so everyone went to that while Mom and I watched Joey, Amalia and Marc. Then Scott had a scout meeting, so that delayed everything even futher. At least my sister had the decency to call and tell us.

What if I had other plans tonight? What if I had started a job today? Could my mom have watched the kids alone?

I have certain goals I want to reach, but I am having a difficult time reaching them because I can't find work (I even applied at a local ice cream store, and the manager who interviewed me told me I was over-qualified). I can't get Unemployment here because I've never held a job in Oklahoma. Social Security is taking their sweet time about my Disability claim.

I just don't know what to do. My life is more screwed up now than it was in December when I came here. I swear, if Saon asked me tomorrow to move to N.O. to live with him, I'm not so sure I would say no. I can't be in two places at once. If I stay here, I'll feel trapped. If I go to N.O., I'll be accused of being selfish, of putting my needs ahead of my kids' needs.

I am so damned confused I can't think straight.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Legendary Entertainer Bob Hope Dead at 100

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Legendary entertainer Bob Hope (news) has died at age 100, a family spokesman said on Monday.

Hope died of pneumonia on Sunday night at 9:28 p.m. with his family at his side, spokesman Ward Grant said.

Hope, who was born in England, was the ultimate comedian, a master of timing who turned the one-liner into an art form and became a national institution.

His career, which included stints as an amateur boxer, minstrel in black face and dancer, spanned seven decades in which he starred in five mediums: vaudeville, radio, stage, movies and television.

Virtually running his own joke factory by employing almost 100 writers, Hope was able to draw on a collection of hundreds of thousands of jokes that specialized in sexual double entendres, gags about his ski-nose and lines that paid homage to his decided lack of humility and willingness to con anyone.

With his trademark ski-slope nose, Hope was one of the first super stars and one of the 20th century's greatest comedians. He also pioneered with Bing Crosby of one of Hollywood's most enduring genres -- the buddy movie.

Crosby and Hope became one of the screen's great couples in a succession of "Road" movies beginning with 1939's "Road to Singapore," which was originally a serious drama called "The Road to Mandalay" that was turned into a comedy first for George Burns and Gracie Allen and then for Jack Oakie and Fred MacMurray, all of whom turned it down.

During the Vietnam War Hope was criticized for being a "hawk" who supported the conflict. But he said he was really a middle-of-the-road supporter who wanted the war to end and even tried twice to visit Hanoi and arrange prisoner releases.

He was born Leslie Townes Hope in Eltham, Kent, England, the fifth of seven sons of a stonemason. His father moved his family to Cleveland, Ohio, when Hope was 3 to work on a church there.

~*~~*~*~~*~

This is so sad. He was one of the great ones. He just turned 100 this past May 29th. My son Scott shares the same birthday (though he has no idea who Bob Hope is, being he's only 12).

Thanks for the memory, Bob. May you rest in peace.

Miracle drug?

I got some information off the internet today (um, yesterday now) about a new drug to help those suffering from Rhuematoid Arthritis (RA), such as Yours Truly, that is an injectable that needs to be taken like every two weeks. According to the website humira.com, there are some users who report that their RA symptoms were better after the first or second use.

I was diagnosed with RA last July, at the same time I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (FMS). I have not seen a rhuematologist since November, 2002, so I've been self medicating when I need it with everything from Tylenol and Aleve, to Naprosyn (the prescription strength version of Aleve), to Celebrex that my brother in law, who's a doctor, gave me samples of in March. I haven't had the money, or insurance to go see a doctor, and the need based clinic here in town is not able to refer me to a specialist (or so they told me).

I can't get any help from the state of Oklahoma unless I am on Disability, and that process is so frustrating, that I am seriously thinking of going to the Unemployment office tomorrow (later today), just to see if they can help me. I've been out of work (save for the carnival, which doesn't count because I was paid cash for the work I did there), for a year. Finding jobs here is nearly impossible, the temp jobs are a joke (I apparently am only offered those jobs no one else wants), and what little money I do get, is spent before I even get a check in my hot little hands.

I can't believe I'm having this much trouble finding a decent job. With all the experience I have, I can't believe someone hasn't offered me a job.

And why am I ranting about jobs when I started out talking about a new treatment for RA? Benefits. The only way I will be able to get any medical care is to have a job with benefits. If and when I go to Louisiana to be with Saon, I'll be damned if I'm going to let him support me. I've always been able to take care of myself at least. I swore that when I got divorced, that I wouldn't rely on another man financially. Sharing expenses is one thing, but letting someone else pay for everything and having to ask that someone for money...I'm not going to do it.

I'm going to make my own money even if it leaves me in great pain. I owe too many people too much fuckin money to have someone else take care of me.

I'll pay my own bills, thank you.

Gotta jump...into bed...MorelaterZ--

The last Sunday in July...

Is the day more important, or is it the date that is?

On the last Sunday of July last year, I met a most amazing man. It was in Bangor, Maine, about 6pm EDT, that I first set eyes on the man who currently rocks my world.

There's been a lot that's happened in that year, and I truly believe it's a test of our feelings for one another. Will we stand the test of time? If the last year has been any indication, I'd say yes. But, no one knows what tomorrow brings. We have to live it one day at a time.

That's the way it has to be, because to hurry thru life without stopping to enjoy the view is a waste.

One year. I'm still amazed by how much has happened not only in my relationship with Saon, but in my life in general.

I gotta get to New Orleans...somehow.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

More things that suck...

1) Not being with Saon because of a lack of funds, both on my part and his.
2) My ex. He's a doofus.
3) The feature on my mother's phone line that makes the caller announce who they are, then wait for someone to pick up the line and accept the call. It's great for screening telemarketers and dunning calls, but for personal calls, it sucks.
4) The lock on my oldest son's bedroom door, even though he's no longer living here.
5) Most reality shows. The ones I've mentioned in this blog are not included in this group.
6) My ex having my cats and letting them run around outside. They're inside cats.
7) Not having any minutes on my cell phone.
8) Finding out that the bank closed my account because I hadn't made any deposits in 90 days.
9) Joey spitting up on not one, but two t-shirts. I love my nephew to death, but spitty babies are not my cup of tea. (I've already gone thru this 4 times before...)
10) Back spasms. Get me Vicodin STAT!!

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Another boring Saturday in OK and LA

We had Joey over here this morning from 7am to about 2pm, while everyone else went to Marc's camp to take a tour and pick him up. Joey is teething and was pretty miserable. He spit up on me twice, and I am now wearing my third t-shirt of the day.

Daniel has moved over to Tori and Dean's until he finds a job. He could have avoided all this and just got up every day and looked for a job, instead of stay up all night, doing God knows what, and sleeping all day. It still pisses me off that he had to get a lock for his bedroom door. Dean said it was because Daniel has all his stuff in there and needs to protect his "space". Meanwhile, I have no such "space". I have the upstairs, but I have no privacy here. I need to get a job that pays half way decently so I can move out and have my own "space". I'm not used to sharing with a whole houseful of people. The only person recently that I've shared a living space with is Saon, and I'd do that again in a heartbeat.

I spoke to Saon this afternoon. Someone at the house he's staying at answered the phone, and I asked to speak with Saon. Before he even got a chanice to say hello to me, they all start bitching and moaning about getting long distance calls. Saon told them that it was me who called there, so why should they care whether it's long distance? If it were collect, the operator would come on and ask if they would accept the charges. And I don't call anybody collect if they don't want me to.

Anyway, Saon is bored beyond belief, there is really nothing to do there, and it's raining (send that rain our way, baby....we're in a drought). Scooby, the housemate who got the big settlement from a car accident, has been spending his money foolishly on "weed, weed, and more weed," as Saon says. Hell, if it were me with 13 grand, I'd be payin' off bills, getting BabyDoll fixed up, and getting my own place!!

I want to see Saon so bad, but I'm going to wait until he gets his stuff together and gets a car and a place to live.

Everyone is out except me and Mom, so it's going to be a quiet evening. I'm gonna jump...MorelaterZ--

the friday five

Well, I decided to succumb to the friday five craze...LOL

For the week of 25 July, 2003--


1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
Coloring Outside the Lines: the True Story of The Rebel Redhead

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
(eek!) Rest in Pieces --Saliva; Love Me When I'm Gone --Three Doors Down; Hot In Herre--Nelly; When God-fearing Women Get the Blues --Martina McBride; I'll Be --Edwin McCain; Fall Into Me --Emerson Drive; and many more

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Live action...because my life isn't a cartoon

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
I have no idea right now who would play anyone...still casting the roles.

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer
Standing on a deserted beach, the main character (me) is contemplating her life and the choices that she's made. Cut to a carnival where our heroine is working to make a little cash to tide her over until the winter. With her man at her side, she works towards achieving her goals, but not without conflict. She marches to a different beat, and no one seems to understand her. She triumphs over adversity and gains the respect of those who have long doubted her. (yeah, I know, boring as hell...)

What Disney heroine are you?

You're Ariel! You're the headstrong little mermaid
with the golden voice. You hate being confined
and most likely the more people push the more
reckless you get. You know how to have fun and
you do, no matter what anyone says to dissuade
you. You would do anything for love (even lose
your voice, not to mention your tail) but youre
always there to help out your friends and save
your family from evil sea witches.


What Disney heroine are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla


Oh joy! Maybe Jon should see this quiz, as much as he loves The Little Mermaid.

Or not.

"What sign of affection are you?"

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Man, I miss Saon right now

Things that suck...

I'm feeling a little angst this evening (see previous post)...

Things that suck

1) Dating. At least I don't have to do that anymore.
2) Looking for a job when there are no jobs to be had. Unemployment office, here I come.
3) Stupid people. They talk and talk, and talk...and don't say anything important or makes any sense, i.e. politicians
4) Jim Carrey movies. Just can't stand the man! I hated him as far back as "In Living Color". (if you are thinking about sending me a nasty note, see disclaimer in sidebar
(<------over there and down a bit)
5) Writer's block. I just need some inspiration.
6) No a/c in my car. Got $300 so they can retrofit an 89 Chevy Beretta? Didn't think so. I don't either.
7) No privacy. Not being able to have a conversation on the phone with anyone without the whole house listening in is a drag.
8) Online job boards. Amazing results my ass!
9) Being apart from my honey. I'd be in New Orleans in a heartbeat if I only had the dinero, don'tcha know.
10) Pushing 40. I don't wanna be 40! LOL

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Boredom in two (count'em!) states...

I called Saon tonight to find out how the physical and urinalysis went today. He said the physical went fine, but he won't find out about the "piss test" until Monday at the latest. He's kinda worried about that part because when he got to Louisiana 2 weeks ago, he had a couple of hits of weed, and that can show up in drug tests, or so I'm told. I would imagine that after 2 weeks it would have gotten out of his system. At least, I hope so. Saon really needs this job.

When I originally posted this, I somehow got some shit about Rick Santorum mixed in, and I did NOT write it. If this is someone's idea a bad joke, I don't find it the least bit funny.

Now, thanks to some joker, I lost the rest of my post. I don't know who you are, but please get you and your politics out of my blog. Santorum is an asshole, and so are you.

peace out-- MorelaterZ

OMG! I got a new fave show!

I just watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on NBC, but it airs Tuesdays on Bravo at 10pm ET. I saw the previews for this, but forgot when it was on, so when I saw that an abbreviated version was being shown on NBC tonight, I just had to tune in.

It's kinda like "Design on a Dime" (HGTV) meets "Extreme Makeover" (NBC) meets "Queer as Folk" (HBO?). These five gay men, who specialize in a different aspect of the makeover, are funny as hell, and really know how to make everything over, from their "victim's" appearance to where he lives.

Regardless of your feelings about the gay lifestyle, this is a fun show to watch.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

They put the "dys" in "dysfunctional"

I can't help but make this comment in audio-observation of Saon's family. I would love to be a fly on the wall when the talk in Saon's cousin's house gets intense.

"Fuck you" (and its derivatives) seem to be the prevalent phrase used in conversation. And it's (God forgive me for even typing this) "niggah" this and "niggah" that, about everything...and these are white folks! Is this just a southern thing?

And Saon threw this slang phrase at me last night that I had never heard, even in the three years I lived in "da hood" in Lawrence. It was a rather crude reference to male genitalia. I said something like, "Oh for God's sake, Saon," when he told me what it meant after I questioned what it was. He just laughed that crazy laugh of his, then he apologized. I think the question was asked of me because Saon's cousin was in the same room. His cousin also wanted to know about me, in terms of breast size. When Saon told him my oldest child was 19, his response was, "how old is she?" Saon, to his credit, said nothing, but once he was off the phone, I'm sure he told his cousin my age and everything else about me.

I can't judge a man by his family, not in this case anyway, because I met Saon first. I liked his niece, Jamie, who lives in Picayune, but even she is a little rough around the edges. I guess, if I move to New Orleans, I'll meet some of these people, then I'll have a better idea of what I am dealing with.

For now, I just can't believe that members of Saon's family would want to see one of their own out in the streets to fend for himself. Would they do that to any member of the family, or is it reserved for Saon for some twisted reason? I mean, the same blood runs thru his veins as it does theirs. Blood may be thicker than water, but I guess it depends on whose blood we're talking about.

They are all related to the main man, Saon's grandfather, after whom Saon was named.

Just what kind of man was "grandpere", anyway?

I hope to find that out someday soon.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Okay, I'm desperate now...

I went to the mall today and filled out job applications. Is this what one has to do to get a job in this town?

I found a job listing today for the IRS...it's in New Orleans, but what the hell...I applied for it, but that doesn't mean that I'll get it. I've heard rumors that the IRS audits their employees for life, so one better be telling the truth when they file those 1040's.

It would be nice to have a job there if I'm going to be with Saon there. He's pretty much decided that he's staying in New Orleans, and that if I want to be with him (and yes, I do...) that's where I gotta go.

He has to get a physical and a drug test tomorrow (um, later today) for his job at the marina. And he is thisclose to getting his license back, he just has to pay off roughly $300 in fines, and he says he can do that with one paycheck from this job.

He's looking at apartments close to the job, because it's a long trip on a bicycle from where he is now. Saon has his eye on either a truck (manual transmission) or a car (automatic transmission).

Looks like he's really getting his life back on track. Now I gotta do the same.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Six minutes? I gotta get there!

I was noodling around on the internet last night when the phone rang, knocking me offline (I need DSL!). Everyone had gone to bed, so I ran down the stairs to answer the phone, but by the time I got there, it stopped ringing. Then, my cell phone, which was upstairs, started ringing. I ran back upstairs and answered the phone, and it was Saon. "Where are you?" he asked.

"At home."

"I just called the house phone and no one answered."

I told him just what I typed above, and he said, "Oh, okay."

He had good news: he got a job at Belle Chasse Marine, doing general maintenance work and other duties that he didn't get into. It's one of those 12 hour shifts, 6am-6pm.

Saon's getting a lot of pressure from his cousin to move out, and actually told Saon that if he didn't have a job by 5pm yesterday afternoon, to get the hell out. Well, Saon got the job, now his cousin says he needs to save his money and get his own place.

Saon wants his own place, and can't wait to get the funds needed to get an apartment. He wants me to move in with him. I want to go. I've been looking for a job in the New Orleans area thru several online job posting boards, but I'm not having much luck so far.

Our phone call lasted a whole six minutes. I gotta get to New Orleans. I don't care if my family thinks I'm being selfish. Apparently, New Orleans is where the best job opportunities are. When I do searches for jobs on the job boards, more jobs come up in New Orleans than in Oklahoma City. Go figure.

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

And then there were five...

Tonight on Last Comic Standing...

The six remaining comics were heading to Las Vegas for the finals. Or so they thought. Jay Mohr told them that one of them would be eliminated before the finals.

Cory had her appearance on the Carson Daly show. The show airs tonight (check local listings).

There was another vote, and Geoff got the most votes, which he relished, because he was ready to take someone on. The only hitch was, unlike the previous challenges, Geoff would not be picking the person he would be going head to head with. Instead, the four comics that have already been eliminated: Dave, Rob, Tere and Sean would be making that decision. Each of them had something to say to the house, then they retired to vote.

When they returned, the house awaited their decision. Who would Geoff be going up against? It was decided that that person would be...Dat.

Tess, Ralphie, Cory and Rich were definitely going to Las Vegas. Who would join them, Dat or Geoff?

It was a tough decision, at least as far as the comics were concerned. Both Geoff and Dat had strong sets, but the ultimate winner, and the fifth person to go to the finals was...

Dat.

Stay tuned...the finals are next week. Who will be the Last Comic Standing?

This really pisses me off

Daniel feels it necessary to put a lock on his bedroom door, when he isn't even going to be living here. He says that it's to keep Jeff out of his room when he's gone, but he's keeping me out, too.

It pisses me off that for seven months, I've been sleeping on the couch upstairs, and that I have virtually no privacy, but I can't use a soon to be unoccupied bedroom.

It pisses me off that my own child doesn't trust me not to go thru his stuff. Like I give a rat's ass about his stuff. I just wanted to use the bedroom, so I can have some privacy, and sleep on a real bed.

Just once, I would like to have a private conversation on the phone without the whole house being able to hear every word, or to have to go into my mother's bedroom for privacy.

When I get some money together, I am going to move out. I have no life here.

MorelaterZ when I calm down some...I'm too pissed off to jump...

This is so true...LOL

Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous
Good Charlotte from the CD The Young and the Hopeless


I see it on T.V.
Read in a magazines
Celebrities that want sympathy
All they do is piss and moan
Inside the Rolling Stone
Talkin' about how hard life can be

I'd like to see them spend a week
Livin' life out on the street
I don't think they would survive
If they could spend a day or two
Walking in someone else's shoes
I think they'd stumble and they fall
(they would fall, fall)

Chorus:

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin'
Always complainin'
If money is such a problem
Well they got mansions
Think we should rob them

Well did you know when you were famous you could kill your wife
And there's no such thing as 25 to life
As long as you've got the cash, to pay for Cochran
And did you know if you were caught and you were smokin' crack
McDonalds wouldn't even wanna take you back
You could always just run for mayor of D.C.

I'd like to see them spend a week
Livin' life out on the street
I don't think they would survive
If they could spend a day or two
Walking in someone else's shoes
I think they'd stumble and they fall
They would fall

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin'
Always complainin'
If money is such a problem
Well they got mansions
Think we should rob them (rob them)
(They would fall, they would fall)

Chorus 1/2:
Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin'
Always complainin'
If money is such a problem
You got so many problems
Think I could solve them

Lifestyles of the rich and famous
We'll take your clothes, cash, cars, and homes just stop complainin'
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Lifestyles of the rich and famous

If this keeps up...

My Weatherpixie will be starkers! It's showing 106 and she's wearing a bathing suit! What's next?

This weather is getting ridiculous!

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

Which X-men character are you?

I'm Storm! Woohoo!


Storm


Which X-Man are You?
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It's just too damned hot!

It's supposed to reach 106 today. According to Weatherpixie, it's 104; to Weathercast, it's 105; and the thermometer outside in the backyard, in the shade, it's 103. Turn it off already! It's raining in New Orleans today!

Saon did call me back last night, about twenty minutes after I made the previous post. He was talking to me, then he was talking to the various relatives at the house where he's staying. We finally did get to talk to each other some. He keeps talking about coming up here, but he really couldn't stay here at the house. He does have this opportunity with the offshore deal, so I told him to look into that, because we don't have anything like that in Oklahoma. He's already looking for apartments, and found one in Marrero with 2 bedrooms, cable hook ups, and it's $500 a month.

If he gets the offshore job, then I may consider going there for a while to see if things between us will really work out. I do want a life with him, but I want to be here with my boys, too, especially since it's Jeff's Senior year. Maybe if finances permit, I can be in both places, as in spend two or three months in Louisiana, then two or three months in OKC. Then again, that just may be wishful thinking on my part. We'll just have to see how things work out.

So, I better get my ass out there tomorrow and really pound the pavement and get a job. I need the bucks for bills and Mardi Gras...

Gotta jump...MorelaterZ--

I feel very blah...

High temps, no food, and a huge headache is not a good sign.

In 1996, I had sun poisoning, and I felt like I do now. Since that time, I have been very careful to wear a hat outdoors, use sunscreen, and make sure I ate on hot days when I know I'm going to be outside. I didn't do that today, and I'm paying for it now. I don't know if I have sun poisoning or not, but the way I feel now reminds me of it.

If I'm still feeling like this in a couple of days, then I'll know for sure.

~*~~*~*~~*~

Saon and I are playing phone tag. He called me while Dean, Tori, Scott and Joey came over (Marc is still at camp and Amalia is in Enid at her grandparents), and I couldn't really talk then. Saon said, "I guess I'll talk to you later," in a rather abrupt voice, like he took it personally. I called him back after everyone left, and he couldn't talk. "I'll call you back in ten minutes," he says. When he didn't call back, I called him again, and this time his cousin answered and told me that Saon was out and would be back within the hour.

I'm not expecting to hear from him tonight. Oh, well...he'll call again.

I hope.

Gots ta jump...MorelaterZ--

What the hell good did it do to wear a hat???

Jeff and I are back from the band's car wash. My face is sunburned. I wore a hat. Did no good.

There seemed to be more than enough people there to do a great job washing all the cars that came by the Ace Hardware store on the corner of Danforth and Kelly. Jeff had to be prodded to get into the mix, but once he did, he washed cars for most of the two hours we were there. I helped a bunch of kids dry the cars that had just been washed and rinsed. After an hour, I didn't feel so good. I went to sit down, but despite there being two awnings to provide shade, it was still way too hot.

I met some more of the parents, to most of whom I was introduced as "Jeff K's mother". I had to tell them my first name, and the fact that my last name is NOT the same as Jeff's anymore.

There was pizza ordered, and after Jeff and I ate, we left. When I got into the car and looked at myself in the mirror, I was shocked to see that my face was as red as a lobster! The one time I don't have sunscreen, I get burnt.

Figures.

I am really sleepy now, though, and I think I will get off the puter and take a nap. Or not.

Gotta jump...morelaterZ--

Looks like someone was looking for someplace specific

Daniel was looking for the Costa Mesa High School website last night. In seeing his attempts to find it, he was waaaay off (click the link above for website).

This is the high school that both Jon(1978) and I(1982) graduated from, and that Daniel attended for his freshman and sophomore years. Several years ago, they combined with the middle school, so grades 7 and 8 are also CMHS students, and Jeff falls into this category. Jeff is now a senior (!) at North.

Jeff and I are going to volunteer at the band's car wash today (Jeff somewhat reluctantly). But, it's also going to be 104 today, so I wonder just how long we're going to be out there. I'm only planning to stay and hour or two.

Enough of this link-laden post. I gotta jump...

MorelaterZ--

This actually happened and I still don't believe it!

Saon called.

He's in Louisiana, staying with a cousin. When he called, Daniel answered the phone and then told me, "Mom, it's Saon and he says it's important!"

The first thing he asked me was, "are you still available?"

"Yes," I said.

From that point, Saon explained what really happened that night he allegedly broke up with me. The conversation on Mess-up-enger was all that woman's doing. She's the one who bragged on her prowess in bed, the one who said all the awful things to me while pretending to be Saon...all because she was pissed off that Saon and I were intimately involved. She wanted him to herself, and he didn't want her.

That explains the radical changes in the tones of the conversations before and after that night.

He says he still loves me, that he misses me, and that he wants us to give a life together another chance.

I told him how crushed I was that night, and he told me that he was very angry with (the bitch) when he found out what she had done. He knew my feelings were very hurt, but was impressed that I took it so well and didn't go off on him. "You have class, something that (the bitch) could never match," he said in so many words.

He also said that he's still going to divorce Michele, but is going to wait for a bit while he gets the money together to get an apartment, a car, a job, and back on his feet.

He's going to see about a job on an offshore boat on Monday. This would be a job that would be two weeks out, one week back, and the pay would be above average for the field. I really hope he gets it, because he is good at that kind of work.

My mind is still reeling. Do I believe him? My heart wants to, but my head wants proof of his love for me. I think the fact that he called me is proof enough.

And to think it happened all on my father's birthday.

Gotta jump...Morelaterz--

The weather....*sigh*

According to one of several indicators I have online, it is 104 in the OKC metro, as of two minutes ago.

Good thing I'm not outside today. I would be as useful as a wet sponge.

I have a job interview on Monday with another temp agency, who, as it turns out, is in the same building as American Express Financial Advisors. No problem, at least I know where it is now. They tell me to come in between 8am and 4pm, bring a hardcopy of my resume, two forms of ID, and be prepared to stay for at least 2-3 hours.

The two forms of ID are going to be dicey, as all my ID is still in my married name. I do have my birth certificate, so maybe that will suffice. If worse comes to worse, I'll hypenate the two names (although I hate doing that because my married name is so damned lengthy). I figure that as long as they have my SSN right, I'll still get credit for any income earned under my preferred name.

I have nothing more to say at this point, so I'm gonna jump....

MorelaterZ--

Happy Birthday, Dad

I love you and miss you very much.

Love, Stefie

How old is too old to drive?

You've probably heard about the terrible accident in Santa Monica, California yesterday, involving an elderly man who drove into a crowded Farmers Market and killed ten people. The gentleman, who is 86 years old, told police that he hit the gas instead of the brake, but who also has a recent history of accidents, including his own garage!

So, how old is too old to drive? I say it depends on the person. If you're eighty, for example, and you're still healthy, alert and feel comfortable behind the wheel, then you should be allowed to continue driving. Another eighty year old may not be as safe behind the wheel. I think that if it were me, then it would be my decision whether to continue driving when I'm in my 70's or 80's (granted that I am blessed to live that long, of course).

My father, who would have been 88 years old tomorrow, stopped driving on his own when he became ill in 1997. He died in 1999.

The gentleman involved in yesterday's tragedy, in my opinion, should not have been behind the wheel. He hit his own friggin garage, for God's sake. He should have surrendered his license ( or had it taken away from him) when that happened. Maybe ten innocent people would still be alive.

I don't think there should be a law saying, for example, that one must stop driving at 75. There should definitely be some safeguards in place to determine whether a person is still fit to drive at any given age over a previously agreed upon minimum. My mother doesn't drive much anymore, but she shouldn't have to surrender her license on her next birthday or anything. Just have her go into the Dept of Public Safety (aka DMV in most other states, RMV in MA and NH) and take a vision test and a behind the wheel test. I have no idea what Oklahoma's policy on elderly drivers is; I do know that Mom's license is due for renewal in 2004.

Any thoughts from the reading public? Leave me a message using the link at the end of this post, or email me.

Gotta jump...morelaterz--

Last Quizilla thing...I swear. Back to real posts in a sec

You're the Ford Mustang. Nothing spells high class
like a 'Stang!


What Cool Car are you?
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Of course I'm a Mustang...Mustangs and I were born the same year.

No surprise here

Water Goddess. You like peace and serenity and are
usually content with life.


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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My horoscope sign is Aquarius...so this is not a big surprise. I love the beach...and man, do I miss the beach!

MorelaterZ--

I must say this surprises me (and it takes a lot to surprise me)

Juliet


Which woman of Shakespeare are you?
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I really need to move the car...

But not until I finish this.

Joey was here again today. He is such a good baby. He is teething now, and so he wasn't at his best today, but he was smiling and laughing and cooing. He saves his fussiness for his mother, I guess.

God, my life is so boring! I need to do something to spice up my life. But what? It's not like when I was in Mass. and there wasn't anyone around that I could embarrass but me, but here...*sigh*. My mother, my kids, my sister...I feel like I have to be better than good, and that frustrates me. I just want to be me. I'm not so stupid that I can't control myself when it comes to certain things. As long as I live in my mother's house, there are things that I cannot do. I'm used to coming and going as I please, but now, I have to tell my mom where I'm going and when I expect to be back. This is worse than living at home when I was a teenager. I'm nearly 40 years old for cryin out loud!

Ewww..."nearly 40"...don't even wanna go there. I certainly don't feel like I'm that old. Thirty wasn't so bad. Forty is going to be rough.

MorelaterZ--

Job hunting sucks!

I've been actively looking for work for nearly three months now, and I have found next to nothing. Oh yeah, I found a temp agency, but they have nothing for me!

I've spead my resume all over the net, it seems. I've gotten a few calls, a few emails, a few "work at home" offers that sound dubious at best, I've gone on several interviews, but so far, it's been "don't call us, we'll call you."

Maybe I should go back to the carnival. It's hard, physical work, and the pay is lousy, but at least, it's a job! But, do I really and truly want to do that? Who should I contact for a carnival job. Through my research for the book, I know there are literally hundreds of carnivals in the US. If I'm working for a carnival, then that would make my research easier.

I should talk to Saon about that, but I don't know how to contact him. I wouldn't even know where to begin to look for him. I guess I could start with that carnival that was in Paducah, KY, that he worked for one Sunday back in late June.

I just don't know. I'm desperate to get a job, but I don't want to appear desperate.

The Unemployment office looks like my next stop, but I don't want to have to resort to that, either.

Brother, can you spare a job?

MorelaterZ--

Dat beat out Dave????

I simply can't believe that!

On Last Comic Standing, everyone ganged up on Dat.

The house went out on a photo scavenger hunt, and Cory won immunity by finding and photographing the most things on her list. Rich came back with nada, and Ralphie got one picture just by standing in one spot! Because she won, Cory got an appearance on the Carson Daly show.

Dat was determined to stay in the house, and his strategy was to not let the others get under his skin. Apparently, that worked for him in the face of everyone voting against him. He picked Dave (the guy from Minnesota), to go into the faceoff with him. They were, just like the others before them (except for the first one with Sean and Rich), civilized. Personally, I thought Dave was funnier, but the audience chose Dat with 70% of the vote. That floored everyone in the house. Ralphie blasted the rest of the "coaliltion" for "making Dat a man", or something like that.

Next week, one more person is going to get booted, and the remaining five will go on to the finals.

Stay tooned--

MorelaterZ---

Where's an ocean when I need one?

The heat here is oppressive! Tomorrow it's going to be 105!!

So this is how my family is going to get back at me...make me swelter thru an Oklahoma summer! I need a beach, preferably with an ocean attached, asap! The Texas gulf coast is looking rather inviting, especially since there is a hurricane on its way to that very spot.

The heat has affected my mind...

Rain would be nice right about now...it's after midnight and it's still in the 80's.

Forget rain, how about a snowstorm-- that oughta cool things off quite a bit. But, then I would be in the hospital with pneumonia due to the sudden temperature change.

~*~~*~*~~*~

Don't ask me why, but I've had these crazee thoughts about going back to Picayune on my own. I rather liked the 4 days I spent there almost 2 months ago, even though the person I went to see there is no longer there, or, apparently, in my life.

That makes me sad.

Morelaterz--

I'm obsessing about the weather...God help me!

Baltimore, MD 67...80 F
Boston, MA 65...76 F
Costa Mesa, CA 65...85 F
Hampton, VA 70...81 F
Lawrence, MA 63...81 F
New Orleans, LA 74...89 F
Norfolk, VA 68...80 F
Oklahoma City, OK 74...101 F WTF????
Virginia Beach, VA 70...81 F


I could live with the 81 degrees in Lawrence today. Or the 76 in Boston.

Turn the heat off already, geez!!

Morelaterz--

It's supposed to be 103 today???

*groan*

Snippet of Linkin Park lyric (Easier to Run)

If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave

(I think Saon would really like Linkin Park...it has the rap he loves so much...)

This is how I see myself right now. But what is done is done, so even if I could take it all back, there'd be no way. Once it's said or done, you can't take it back. You can be sorry for it, but it's already been done.

I'm not sorry for the things that I've done. I've regretted some of the things I've done, but I'm not sorry I did them. There is a reason for everything we do in this life. We might not know why we do certain things at the time they are done, but there is a reason behind everything.

Why did I go to Picayune, for example? I went to see Saon, to see if we could finally still have a life together. For a time, it looked like we could, but then he went to Illinois, and that went all to hell.

In thinking about the conversations he and I had until that night he broke up with me, and I am convinced that he did it for only one reason: because the bitch was standing right there. She stood over him as he typed and pretty much told him what to say. Because when she wasn't around, he and I still got along. When he said things like, "hurry up, she's home," tells me that she was trying to get her hooks into him, and he finally figured out that she wanted to isolate him from not just me, but I believe everyone he was close to: especially Michele (his soon to be ex wife)

I just hope that the sex was worth all the pain she caused in his life. All she wanted was a young guy to screw around with to validate her attractiveness. I don't believe that she was all that attractive, and certainly not all that young.

If he and I were still meant to be, then it will be.

Everything happens for a reason. Now that I know that, then getting on with it is easier. Not much, but a little.

It is easier to run, but to stay and fight for what you want and what you believe is worth it in the end.

End Rant and philosophizing (<---is that a word????)

Morelaterz--

Naaah, I'm not gonna do it

Not gonna compare 27 year old Saon to my 43 year old ex husband. Just that Saon is more mature.

Damn, I did it...[note to self: then don't put it in your blog you ninnie!]

Morelaterz-- [really]

If you would just shut the fuck up for five seconds...

I swear, I think my ex, Jon, loves the sound of his own voice. He doesn't listen to anything anyone but him says. Just look at the following example:

Stef: Is Jeff there?
Jon: blah blah blah about what he's doing
Stef: Jon, is Jeff there?
Jon: blah blah blah about someone at karaoke that I don't know but Jon thinks I should
Stef: JON, IS JC THERE?
Jon: Uh, um, no...haven't seen him.

See what I mean? I had to ask him three times if Jeff (my buddy JC) was at karaoke. This doesn't sound like a guy whose grandmother just died!

It's all about Jon. Always has been, always will be. Dude, you're 43 years old-- grow the fuck up will ya?

End Rant.

Morelaterz--

You can turn off the 100 degree temps now, k?

Damn it's been so hot here! It's getting ridiculous. We could really use some rain, just enough to cool things down a bit.

Scott and Marc are going to camp today, so Dean and Tori took them to Golden Corral for dinner. Mom didn't want to go, and I don't think they invited me, so we stayed home and I got sanwiches from Arby's. I took the time to write some things in regards to the book.

I heard from a guy yesterday who answered my questionnaire about carnival experiences. He gave me some really good answers and I made sure to thank him for his participation.

I heard from Whizbang again yesterday, and he is really gung ho about us getting together. He even gave me his address! I don't think I'm going to do it for several reasons, the main one being that I don't know him at all, expect for conversations we've had on Mess-up-enger. What kind of man is he? Am I setting myself up for something I can't get out of? My impression of him is that he is a very lonely man.

If he'd agree to meet me in a public place, instead of his house, then I might consider meeting him for a drink. But nothing more than that.

I really miss Saon. I am worried about him. I hope that he's okay and that barracuda hasn't done something to him because he contacted me against her wishes. I wonder if she's got a dubious past? Without her last name I can't look anything up. I wouldn't be surprised if she does have a somewhat tarnished reputation, but how would I find that out?

Please, Lord, let Saon be okay and not in trouble.

Morelaterz--