Monday, October 30, 2006

No no yes yes, yes yes no no, and dirty pool

Rant Alert---

Another election is coming up next week, and it is the season for negative political ads.

In Edmond, there's the "No no yes yes" folks, and the "Yes yes no no" folks. Confused? So are the people who live in Edmond who have to vote on this issue next week.

It has something to do with keeping a park a park, or building a shopping center nearby. I think.

Yes, I am among the confused.

The one political ad that pisses me the most is the one against a man who is running for a state senate seat. The candidate in question was a public defender. Now, if you know anything about public defenders, they are told who to represent, often pro bono. So this ad says that the candidate has represented a prostitute, a drug dealer, and a rapist. And because he has represented the dregs of the earth in court, the people who paid for this ad says he can't represent "us".

"Us" doesn't include me. No one asked me what I thought. Perhaps the candidate will make a good choice. I may even vote for him, just for spite's sake.

And the so-and-so did this, and didn't do that ads that are run by so-and-so's opponent are just stupid. Or so-and-so is (fill in the blank here), and I, Mr./Ms. Opponent, am a better choice because (again, fill in the blank here).

Oh, shut up!

Once I get into that voting booth, it's my business who I vote for and why I voted for them. Don't even try to talk to me after I leave the polling place (as some dipwad tried to do during the Presidential election), cuz I'm not going to tell you a damn thing.

Go out and vote on November 7th, because if you don't vote, you don't have the right to complain about the results.

End Rant.

That's all from where I sit.


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Thursday, October 26, 2006

It's all to get on TV for 15 seconds, Mom

We're watching the World Series, and Mom just commented on how stupid she thought it was for people to paint their faces in their favorite teams colors...

I talked to Larry this afternoon on Mess-up-enger, and we talked about... hair! We talked about other things, but it started with hair... his. Seems that he got a haircut today. Rumor has it that when he was in high school, he had long hair. I'd like to see a picture of that!

It's probably better than what my hair looked like in high school! That's always the way it's been with me... the guys I know who have (or had) long hair have gorgeous hair. My hair, on the other hand, was a pathetic mess of perms, styling products, and curling iron abuse.

(I should dig up a pic of me from back then --early 80's-- and post it. I wonder if Mom still has one. Mine got lost in the great Nor'easter of 1997 in Norfolk, VA)

Saw this great t-shirt at WalMart tonight: "Turn Left Cuz You Ain't Right". Sounds like some people I know (though none mentioned in this post).

And I saw this on Hannie's Blog:
LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

I already know that there were at least 2 other people out there with my same first and last name. I think they are both younger than I am.

There are 3 people with my mom's first (Jean) and last name.

My kids' last name isn't even in this site's database. Yeah, it's unusual, but so what? They had my last name listed! We all participated in the 2000 census, so why isn't in there?


That's all from where I sit.


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This post has no title, just words and a tune

I got this comment recently that I feel I have to comment on. The commenter didn't leave a name or any way to get a hold of him/her/them.

A couple of posts back, I admit that I was feeling sorry for myself. I'd had this series of nightmares that caused me to take a look at where I am in my life.

The commenter said in their post: You are worthy. You are not alone. You have not failed. However, it might be time to start living your life for Stef and no one else.

I know I am worthy and that I'm not alone. Sometimes, I have to write these things down here to have some kind of release. After all, that's part of the reason I started this blog to begin with. I never expect any comments on anything I write.

I'm not going to give up on a career in radio. So the job in Wyoming didn't work out. It happens. At least I'm not like one of my former classmates and gave up all together. I'm going to stick it out, go back to school to study more, and work at some kind of job (Long John Silvers? *wink*) to make ends meet. I'm going to get a place of my own so I can "live (my) life for Stef and no one else".

And on that point, that's what I've been doing for nearly eight years, since Jon and I decided to divorce. Living my life my way. And yeah, my doing so has pissed a lot of people off. I've been called selfish and immature for it. I don't live my life like anyone else, as I have warned people. Perhaps it takes a certain amount of courage to live my life like no one else, and even more courage for someone to be involved in my life (not counting family, who are involved whether they want to be or not).

The commenter also stated that: Then and only then, will you have true peace of mind, experience joy, and find unequivocal reciprocated love.

Strangely, this sounds like something my friend JC in Massachusetts would say to me. He's into all that new age stuff. Maybe it's him who left the comment? Possibly, but unlikely. Not unless he was Googling me recently and found this blog. Not that it would be a bad thing. Maybe I should shoot off an email and ask him.

Seriously, that is good advice though. Sometimes I get caught up in that trap of worrying about what people think. And we all know that is stupid. Who cares what other people think anyway? It's not like everytime I go somewhere I get in trouble or anything. I'm hardly embarrassing anyone by the way I conduct myself. After all, though I live my life on my terms, I'm not stupid, either. I know when to be serious. I know when it's time to have fun. Sometimes, I even try to combine the two. What a novel concept!

Yes, I am a smart ass. But this post is straight forward and serious. After all, this blog is about me. Warts and all.

Oh, BTW-- if you are the one who left this comment... thank you! Feel free to drop me an email, or leave a comment on any post.

That's all from where I sit.


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Monday, October 23, 2006

A "small" fire requires 5 fire trucks?!

....and other observations.

Jeff and I went to WalMart near Mom's house, just to get milk, and we were there all of 2 minutes when there was this announcement that the store needed to be evacuated.

As we were leaving, the fire fighters were already unrolling the hoses and headed towards where there was smoke.

We stuck around for a bit, and I asked a cop what was going on, and he said it was a small fire inside the store. Well, duh!

People were taking pictures with camera phones, and I was wishing I still had my Motorola phone with Channel 4's news tips line in the address book. I had to give that one up when I went to Wyoming because of the different "technology". Tracfone now offers a camera phone for like $60, and I think I will get one when my financial situation improves.

It seems a lot of stuff goes down in MWC, and maybe a camera phone will come in handy.

But why, pray tell, did it take five Edmond fire trucks for a small fire?

Someone got a new work computer (at last!). I'm almost jealous.

The days of my sitting around like a lump have to end. Nothing gets accomplished that way.

And... those individual packets of Hamburger Helper you can get now-- the ones where all you have to do is add water-- there is hamburger in them, but it's a joke. You almost have to look for them!

If you live in Edmond, it's Yes Yes No No. Think of Beethoven's 5th symphony. Works for me!

That's all from where I sit.


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Nightmare in Edmond

I had the worst, and I mean worst, nightmare last night....

It's like everything I've ever feared came to visit me in this dream. Even things that I haven't had nightmares about in years came to the surface.

I don't know if this is a reality check or what, but some of these things scare the crap out of me while I'm awake if I think about them long enough.

It could because of moving back here, the fear of failing again in my dream profession, the fear that I've disappointed a lot of people because of that failure, the fear that maybe i'm not cut out for it...

But when things that happened more than a decade ago come back to haunt me (how appropriate for Halloween, huh?), and give me the same feelings now as they did then, I wonder if I've really come to terms with those feelings.

I know there is still some anger there, but now instead of being directed inward, it's directed towards the person whose selfishness and self importance got me into this predicament. Someone who refuses to take responsibility for their actions in regards to this. And a decade later, I'm still having bad dreams about it. This someone sure isn't, of that I am certain.

Over on my MySpace page, I filled out a survey that was essentially fluff, but there was one question: "what are you afraid of?" I'm sure the person who put this survey together expected answers like "spiders", "monsters", "dying", etc. My answer was simple. There are things I'm afraid of that I can pretty much work out on my own, but there is one thing that scares me.

I'm afraid of not being worthy of being loved, by someone who loves me for who I am now, not what he wants me to be.

I had to write all this stuff down. I might delete this post later, I don't know. I do know that I seriously need to calm down.

That's all from where I sit.


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Saturday, October 21, 2006

The wind is going to blow me away... literally!

The wind here in OKC is wicked today! It feels like we're going to get some rain soon.

Is this what is meant by "the wind comes sweeping down the plain"?

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't do anything special to my hair. It would have all been for naught.

Some mysteries got solved today. One of them I'm so pissed off about I don't even want to think about it right now. There's so much about it that I just don't know!

I need to send out some emails today.

Today would be a good day to stay inside and cuddle with someone on the couch in front of a roaring fire. So where am I today? The UCO library, that's where. Pfffffft!

And no one to cuddle with.


Maybe after I get my own place, there'll be an opportunity for that.

Hmmm... that makes me smile.

That's all from where I sit.


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Thursday, October 19, 2006

It's official: my week sucks

it seems that nothing has gone right this week.

I have to find out what happened to a money order that I mailed out the day I got my last paycheck from the radio station, and didn't reach its destination.

I have to write to the company that issued the money order and send them the original receipt. Problem is, it's packed in one of the two boxes I brought with me from Wyoming. And that's a problem because they are now in storage until I get a place of my own.

Still nothing from the Unemployment folks, although they tell me that they did, indeed, send out the stuff they told me they would. I can't call them again until Monday because the phone system is down for "routine maintainence" today and tomorrow.

Of course, by Sunday, I'll be able to call in my claim for this week.

Oh. Joy.

I was able to apply for financial aid so I can go to school in January. Waiting for transcripts from California is a pain in the ass, because as I've said before, I don't do waiting well these days.

I'm anxious to get things going. Can you blame me?

Geez, I still need to talk to Ben about getting a new radio gig! Guess that has to wait until next week.

I wonder who won the Edmond North/Del City game tonight...

I have a headache. Better hunt up some Aleve. 'night! :)

That's all from where I sit.


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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Waiting game....

and I don't really do that very well these days.

I bust my ass to get things done, then I have to wait for replies, mail, answers, and the whole nine yards.

My problem is, I don't wanna wait!

I want to get Unemployment, a job, an apartment, my security deposit from Wyoming back, my car tagged and titled here RIGHT NOW! Immediately if not sooner.

I used to be so patient *sigh*...

That's all from where I sit.


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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Batting .1000

and I'm not talking baseball.

It's just not my week for things to go right.


Haven't gotten the promised info from Unemployment (they say it's because of my address); I got totally lost at Rose State today; and wired got crossed about getting together with someone over lunch.

And it's only Tuesday.

I'm ready to tear my hair out in frustration! I just want to get things done so I can go back to school, get a place to live (that's not with my mother), and get a job.

Then there's the money order that never got to its destination. Great. One more thing that's gone not right.

The only thing that's gone right for me is that I was able to re-register to vote.

You been peeking?

That's all from where I sit.


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Monday, October 16, 2006

The weirdest things are happening to me...

or "You went all the way to Kansas for that?!"

I'm having the strangest dreams, having weird conversations with people I know pretty well, having people I haven't heard from in 25 years get in touch with me, and making enchiladas.

Mom swears I've made them before I went to Wyoming, but I can't seem to recall ever doing so. They were good though.

I had the strangest text messaging session with Vincent last night. He was on his way back from Kansas of all places. I asked why he went there, and he said he was clubbing. I teased him about that, saying something like, "what? the clubs here aren't good enough?"

Well, it seems that there are nudie clubs in Kansas, and Vincent said that he had to get it where he can because he was lonely. I don't even want to think about what that meant, and since it was one in the morning when this took place, I was really too tired to make a smart ass comment.

Yeah, Vincent needs a gal in his life. He has a lot to offer a nice gal in his age range.

And, my weird dream of the week took place at the broadcasting school. That I had just been there a little more than a week before probably had something to do with it. But it was just weird...

Tomorrow or Wednesday, I'm heading up to Rose State to talk to someone about enrolling for the spring semester that begins in January. Then, maybe I'll head over to Del City and talk to Ben about getting another radio gig. And talk to Larry about life in general.

Let's see how this shakes out.

Gotta stop having those microwave cake things that Daniel brings home from work right before bed.

That's all from where I sit.


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Saturday, October 14, 2006

I'm not sure I like my new cell phone much

but the damned thing was free, so I shouldn't complain.

With it came my 3rd phone number this year. Tracfone only allows you four phone number changes a year. But the number was changed due to the technology of the area where I now reside (at Mom's house temporarily).

I've been here two weeks, and I've had two cell phone numbers. So if you have the one I got two weeks ago, it's changed. *Sigh*

I still want a Motorola. My current phone is a Nokia, and I've never really been particularly fond of them.

But that will have to wait until my fortunes improve. I hope that is soon, because I want my own place before Thanksgiving.

My own place so I can talk to myself if I want, sing at the top of my voice if I want, stay up late if I want, and have company over if I want.

Now if I can just get the $70 to title and tag Babydoll, life would be nearly peachy perfect.


That's all from where I sit.


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Thursday, October 12, 2006

More paperwork to fill out. Oh. Joy.

Workforce OK; re-registring to vote; trying to get back into college; financial aid...

Frankly, I'm sick of writing my own name over and over and over.

But it has to be done to get things back on track. Still waiting on the security deposit on my Wyoming apartment so I can rent something here. And, whatever's left over (if anything), I have to register Babydoll and get tags for her.

It's going slowly, but it will be worth it.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I had a friend request over on my Myspace page that is someone that I went to middle and high school with. It's weird hearing from this person after nearly a quarter century (am I really that old! Yikes!).

Jeff started his new job today. I can't wait to hear all about it! I hope he enjoyed it.

That's all from where I sit.


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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Ready to pull my hair out over my old hunk of junk...

I am, of course, talking about my ancient computer. The one that Jeff "fixed".

It's even slower than it was before I went to Wyoming. I can't get Yahoo! Mess-up-enger to work two days in a row. I really need to get a new computer like yesterday.

I'm looking for an apartment, planning to go back to school, and come up with the money to get tags, a title and insurance for my Beretta, which is now operational. The only real thing that was wrong with it after all this time was a bad fuel pump.

And because it sat for so long, it'll need fluids and new tires. It needs a new paint job, too, but that can wait for now.

I'm looking for a job, too. To get unemployment in Oklahoma, I have to have 2 job searches a week. I need one more for this week. I'm going out again tomorrow to get the second one.

Speaking of jobs, Jeff got a job! One was at the grocery store that Daniel works at, and one was at a local fast food joint. Jeff chose the fast food joint.

That's all from where I sit.


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Thursday, October 05, 2006

How in the hell...

did the Oklahoma Republican Party get my mom's name and my email address, and thought to link the two?!

The only thing that my mom has asked me to do as far as email is concerned is get her a free subscription to a cooking magazine. Since Mom is about as interested in getting her own email account as she is about seeing the dentist (which she does begrudgingly because she has had a love/hate relationship with dentists since she was three years old), I said I'd get it for her and use her name.

And now some SOB has sold it to the Republicans in Soonerland! Great!

That's all from where I sit.


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There are some days I hate my computer... and today I despise it!

That's why I am at UCO's library on the internet.

Went to see some apartments the other day. The one closest to Rose State had this requirement that I had to be working for 6 months and make three times the amount of the rent. WTF?!

I've been here almost a week. How could I have been working for 6 months? Tori pointed out that their policy smacks of discrimination, because a lot of college students don't work, retired people don't work (but have an income), and then there's me, who is just looking for a place to live and I don't have a job... yet. I understand why they have that policy, I think. But c'mon! I've been here 5 days!

I'm going to see if there are any other apartments that close to the campus, otherwise, I better get to know the bus routes very well. The best apartment I've seen so far is about 2-3 miles away. I know I can't walk that far, and still have energy to go to classes and study.

However... it looks like that the Beretta can be fixed, so we'll see how that works out. The garage was able to get it running, but will probably need a lot of work simply because it sat for three years. It's probably cheaper than trying to buy another car. We'll see...

That's all from where I sit.


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Sunday, October 01, 2006

Text message Travelog

(Sept. 30)
OKC, OK- home!

I-40 east, OK- Gettin' closer!

I-40 east, OK- 48 more miles to OKC!

I-40 east, TX- 250 miles to OKC?!

Amarillo, TX- figures. The bus going to OKC is late. And the gal who works here isn't very nice.

Amarillo, TX- layovers only an hour this time... Thank goodness! Not the 12 hrs it was last time.

Dalhart, TX- the bus has stopped @ McDonalds... and the last thing I want is MickeyD's! I want sleep!

Raton, NM- Man, i am so sore! I'm too friggin old to sit on a bus all day!

(Sept. 29)
Denver, CO- I went to Denver but it was closed-except the bus station which is a 24/7/365 thing.

Cheyenne, WY- This isn't the same place the bus stopped when I came up here. It's a bit nicer. I was hoping for a trip to Taco John's, but it's across the interstate from here. Drat!

Casper, WY- Hey, the bus station here is open this time!

Riverton, WY- Time to undertake another adventure on a GreyhoundBus. Going home to take stock and make plans.

That's all from where I sit.


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Hi, honey... I'm home!!!

(I don't have a honey... at least I don't think I do. I "borrowed" the title of a Shania Twain song for the title of this post)

Got in about 4pm yesterday.

A "travelogue" of sorts to follow. It'll be weird, because it's all text messages to my email account. Now my cell phone is toast. I somehow screwed up the battery so badly that it won't charge. Maybe all those emails from my phone.

I know I've been bragging about how Jeff "upgraded" my computer, but somehow, it's slower than ever! It took two hours to get online last night, then the computer decided to reboot itself.

So I'm at UCO's library typing this.

Let's review:

*I'm home!
*Cell phone's fried
*Computers way too slow

Tomorrow, I think Tori and I are going to look at the three apartments in MWC I researched on the internet while I was still in Wyoming. Just as long as I'm close to Rose State, I don't care how small the apartment is. So long as it's not a studio. I need a bedroom.

My household stuff will be here on Tuesday.

I've got phone calls I've gotta make tomorrow, too. Fortunately, they're either local or toll free, so Mom won't have this outrageous phone bill.


Thanks for peeking, cowboy ;)

That's all from where I sit.


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