The Broadway Extension isn't the place to lose your composure over a song on the radio

...but nonetheless, that is where I was when "Alyssa Lies" came on one of the country radio stations this afternoon.

"Alyssa Lies" --Jason Michael Carroll

My little girl met a new friend
Just the other day
On the playground at school
Between the tires and the swings
But she came home with tear-filled eyes
And she said to me "Daddy, Alyssa Lies"

I just brushed it off at first
Cause I didn't know how much my little girl had been hurt
Or the things she had seen
I wasn't ready when I said you can tell me
And she said

Chorus

Alyssa Lies
To the classroom
Alyssa lies
Everyday at school
Alyssa lies
To the teacher
As she tries to cover every bruise

My little girl laid her head down
That night to go to sleep
As I stepped out the room I heard her say
A prayer so soft and sweet
God bless my mom and my dad
And my new friend Alyssa
I know she needs it bad

Chorus

I had the worst night of sleep in years
As I tried to think of a way to calm her fears
I knew just what it was I had to do
But when we got to school on Monday I heard the news

My little girl asked me why everybody looked so sad
The lump in my throat grew bigger
With every question that she asked
Until I felt the tears run down my face
And I told her that Alyssa wouldn't be at school today

She doesn't lie
In the classroom
She doesn't lie
Anymore at school
Alyssa lies
With Jesus
Because there's nothing anyone would do

Tears filled my eyes
When my little girl asked me why
Alyssa lies
Daddy tell me why
Alyssa lies


I almost pulled off the road, but managed to keep it together until I got to my destination.

It brought out such strong emotions in me-- sadness, anger, helplessness... and yes, I almost lost it out there on the Broadway Extension.

Why do some parents take their frustrations out on their children physically? What did that child ever do to them. Why are there so many children like Kelsey Briggs and Marcella Hope Yellowbear, whose parent(s) treat them in such unspeakable ways?

I wish I knew the answers to those questions. I really and truly do.

This song makes me cry. Just reading the lyrics gets me choked up.



That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

This post has no title, just words and a tune

I got this comment recently that I feel I have to comment on. The commenter didn't leave a name or any way to get a hold of him/her/them.

A couple of posts back, I admit that I was feeling sorry for myself. I'd had this series of nightmares that caused me to take a look at where I am in my life.

The commenter said in their post: You are worthy. You are not alone. You have not failed. However, it might be time to start living your life for Stef and no one else.

I know I am worthy and that I'm not alone. Sometimes, I have to write these things down here to have some kind of release. After all, that's part of the reason I started this blog to begin with. I never expect any comments on anything I write.

I'm not going to give up on a career in radio. So the job in Wyoming didn't work out. It happens. At least I'm not like one of my former classmates and gave up all together. I'm going to stick it out, go back to school to study more, and work at some kind of job (Long John Silvers? *wink*) to make ends meet. I'm going to get a place of my own so I can "live (my) life for Stef and no one else".

And on that point, that's what I've been doing for nearly eight years, since Jon and I decided to divorce. Living my life my way. And yeah, my doing so has pissed a lot of people off. I've been called selfish and immature for it. I don't live my life like anyone else, as I have warned people. Perhaps it takes a certain amount of courage to live my life like no one else, and even more courage for someone to be involved in my life (not counting family, who are involved whether they want to be or not).

The commenter also stated that: Then and only then, will you have true peace of mind, experience joy, and find unequivocal reciprocated love.

Strangely, this sounds like something my friend JC in Massachusetts would say to me. He's into all that new age stuff. Maybe it's him who left the comment? Possibly, but unlikely. Not unless he was Googling me recently and found this blog. Not that it would be a bad thing. Maybe I should shoot off an email and ask him.

Seriously, that is good advice though. Sometimes I get caught up in that trap of worrying about what people think. And we all know that is stupid. Who cares what other people think anyway? It's not like everytime I go somewhere I get in trouble or anything. I'm hardly embarrassing anyone by the way I conduct myself. After all, though I live my life on my terms, I'm not stupid, either. I know when to be serious. I know when it's time to have fun. Sometimes, I even try to combine the two. What a novel concept!

Yes, I am a smart ass. But this post is straight forward and serious. After all, this blog is about me. Warts and all.

Oh, BTW-- if you are the one who left this comment... thank you! Feel free to drop me an email, or leave a comment on any post.



That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

The Post wherein Stef rants about vacuum cleaners, Space Bags, and being pressed for time

I finally got a hold of the neighbor I wanted to borrow the vacuum cleaner from. Apparently, if they don't see a car they recognise out in the drive, they don't answer their door.

So I get the vacuum and start sucking the air out of the Space Bags I bought to save space in my duffle bags. Guess what, kids, they aren't as great as they are hyped up to be.

The vacuuming went okay, but I had to return the machine when I was done. I was hoping to keep it until this morning so I could finish doing the living room.

Maybe Dale has one I can borrow. God knows he's let me borrow just about everything else!

The apartment is going to be inspected tomorrow afternoon around 2.

Still haven't sold the bed and nightstands. Had someone call this morning, but only to ask questions. When I asked if she wanted to buy it, she said she'd get back to me.

I'll take that as a "no".

I still have some stuff to take over to the thrift store, and I think I'll do that when I get out of the library.

It'll be nice to be on my own computer again. Can't wait to see all Jeff has done with it. I mentioned to him the other night that maybe he should go to school and learn more about computers, all I got was mumbling. Yes, the kid can fix just about every damn thing, but he's not making any money doing it!
===

Leave a comment for me if you want if something strikes your fancy. Maybe cowboy hats and not much else?


That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--