Too tired for cute titles tonight. Sorry.

I feel like i'm going to cry.

Maybe it's PMS, I don't know. Maybe it's this stupid thing with my eye (which seems to feel better, BTW).

I feel like I need to set something right, but that it might be too late, and I don't know how it got to this point.

It's all these damned emotions running amok in my head. I don't know which ones are real, or relevant, or leading me to conclusions I shouldn't because I got the facts wrong or confused.

I should write about them in another forum, when I get them all figured out. That is, when I get this other image out of my head that I'm trying to write about. This picture I've seen a lot of lately...it just seems to haunt my brain, like it wants me to tell its story...

==========

Things to do tomorrow:

• Write news.
  
• Write playlist and program log.
  
• Community calendars.
  
• Weather report.
  
• Get gasoline.
  
• Snap out of this pre menstrual deep blue funk.
  

Things to do now:

• Go to bed
  
• Quit worrying
  
• Get a good nights sleep.
  
• Wake up and do the stuff on the list above.
  

And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Well, that answers a lot of questions, but not all of them

My left eye feels like someone slugged it. I think I have some kind of infection. I don't think it's a sty, like my mom thinks, because it doesn't feel like I've got a rock in there. I think this is something similar to an infection I had in Virginia several years ago. That invloved both eyes, and they watered so badly I couldn't see, and they swelled shut. An antihistimine and a salve in both eyes for a week helped that.

But, that was back in the day when I had health insurance. If this is the same thing, then I'm sunk unless Dean has some kind of help for me.

That explains the headaches and the tiredness I've felt in the last couple of weeks. Tonight, I think, I'm going to try and go to bed early.

Waiting at the Social Security office isn't one of my favorite things in the world. At 3pm, if I'm still there, I'll bail. They told me that Thursdays and Fridays were the best days because it wasn't so busy.

We'll see...



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Oh, like they're going to tell YOU the truth behind the war? Riiiight.

Cindy Sheehan, the so-called "peace mom", she of the protest near Bush's ranch in the weeks before Hurricane Katrina stole the headlines from her, met with Arizona Senator John McCain on Tuesday to have him explain the real reasons we started the war in Iraq. Or, at least that's what I gathered from the article I read.

Sheehan also got her ass arrested protesting in front of the White House over the weekend.

Hey, Cindy... I know why Bush started the war in Iraq. To finish what his father started (and rightly stopped) in 1991. It's an ego thing, just like you hogging much, much more than the fifteen minutes of fame than you are really entitled to.

"Peace Mom" is what my father (God rest his soul) would have called a "shit disturber"... she's only in it for the publicity. Yeah, her son died, and she has a right to be mad that it may have been in vain, but all this crap she carries on with to get W to explain why he started the war is not going to solve any problems or give us any answers as to what the reasoning behind it all was. We all know there weren't any weapons of mass destruction (weapons of mass distraction, perhaps, but not the ones Bush was allegedly looking for).

We may never know the truth, because the Bush folks are the masters of spin. Bush couldn't make up a convincing lie if his life depended on it. That's why he has so many BS artists on his staff (like that idiot Michael Brown, the former head of FEMA, but that's another rant for another time). I'll never understand how a man with a Yale education could be so damn dumb!

If Cindy Sheehan has any illusions that President Bush is going to tell her why we're in Iraq, she is sadly deluding herself. Again, we may never know the truth, unless someone talks many years from now in a moment of clarity when they're 90-something years old and figure it won't come back to bite them in the ass at that late date.

I'm not a big fan of the war. The thought that this war could last a very long time, and that the draft could be reinstituted at some future point in time, concerns me deeply. But you don't see me protesting at the White House. I'll take advantage of my First Amendment right of free speech and rant about Bush, the war, Cindy Sheehan, etc. etc. etc. right here on MVL.

And, I am NOT a fan of George W. Bush. Never have been, and it's not looking good for him in the future that I will change my mind.

Cindy Sheehan isn't one of my favorite people either. Her fifteen minutes were up a long time ago. She'll get a mention in all the publications that count: People, Time, Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal... then I hope she goes away. Like the Macarena.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Am I nuts???

Maybe. I know I am in my usual state of financial embarrassment.

I agreed to work the OU game on Saturday. That's ten hours straight of standing on my feet. I should have learned my lesson the last time I did this, but apparently my need for cash overrides my common sense at this point.

At the same time I was validating my insanity, I also agreed to work the Audioslave show on Oct. 14 (a Friday night when there isn't a football game to produce) at the Cox Center, which is across Reno from the Ford Center (the new temporary home of the New Orleans/OKC Hornets).

Daniel is going to absolutely hate me!

He borrowed my Audioslave CD for months before I finally took it back.

I just realized while I was typing this all out that I haven't been inside the Cox Center since Jeff graduated from high school in May '04!

Well, dang me!


That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Jinx

Things in my life are going good for me. I don't want to screw it up by posting what I think are subjects that are not up for public dissemination at this point in time.

In other words, I don't want to jinx anything!

I don't want to say anything about something that might not happen, for good or ill. Maybe I'm just a little paranoid that way, I don't know.

Expect the worst and hope for the best.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Is ugly in this year?

First of all, I am not a happy camper. DRS only sent me $60 this month and I have no idea why. Ms. McKinnon will be getting a call from me on Monday. If I couldn't make do with $80, I certainly can't with $20 less. How is this supposed to help me with transportation costs? Transportation costs, in my opinion, are more than just having gas in the tank.

I went to the library after I cashed my paltry transportation check to study for my final next month. My goal is to better the grade I got on my mid-term in June --and I got a good grade on that test. So starting so early to cram all that I've learned since March into my brain is beneficial to me.

Some people at school have told me that they only studied for their mid-terms for a day or two, and are happy with a passing grade. I can't accept that for myself. Just passing the test isn't good enough for me. I have to get a good grade because I feel that will show that I have truly learned something in school. When Larry gets calls from prospective employers asking about my academic record, I want them to know that I worked my ass off for everything I got. No one gave me any breaks or favors. I earned that "A" on my mid-term, and I'm going to do the same for the final. Merely passing the test won't do.

After I left the library, I went to Target to see if I could find loose leaf rings for my study guide (a book of index cards I made before my midterm to help me study), but they didn't have any big enough. I was looking around, and it seems that ugly is in this year. I saw some of the most God awful things... earrings, handbags, backpacks, t shirts. All of it was simply ugly. Who would pay good, hard earned money for this garbage? Not me.

I finally found the rings at Office Depot on 15th and Broadway. If I ever need too much of something, Office Depot is the place I'll find it.

Now to find something for this headache.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Shorter Takes

• I'm sleepy
• I have a killer headache
• Del City won again (they beat PC West)!
• I almost got run off I-35 by a semi
• My ex is an idiot who doesn't keep his word (part of the reason he's my ex)
• Did I mention I have a killer headache?
  

Night y'all


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Short takes

First and foremost on the list today is : WE GOT THE HORNETS!!!!!

The New Orleans Hornets will be making their home at Oklahoma City's Ford Center for the 2005-2006 season. And tickets to individual games are less that $20.00! I might even get to go to a couple at that rate!

Next: The people at my local McDonald's can't count change or get orders right to save their lives! I went to get Mom and me something and my total was $6.31. I didn't have a nickle to give the right amount of change, so I gave the girl at the drive thru $6.36, expecting a nickel in change. The girl wasn't going to give it to me because she assumed I gave her the correct change. She probably didn't even look.

After getting my nickle change, I drive up to the window and get the stuff, and head home. I start taking stuff out of the bag and find that the order is wrong! They done this to me before at this particular McDonald's, so I shouldn't have been surprised.

Next: Only one Busybody was here today, talking about a trip to Vegas she wants to take...next July! Then she and Mom talked about the Lottery that's supposed to start here in November.

And finally: I have a test to study for tonight. Better get crackin'!



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Don't tap on the glass, don't feed the D.J., but for the love of God, bring me a Pepsi!

Man, you should have heard me during my internet show today! I was really enjoying myself.

I was jonesing for a Pepsi, quite frankly, and I kept up that theme for two hours. I said at one point that I should have a bumper sticker on my backside that said "Powered by Pepsi". I was trying for a "caffeine and gasoline" thing, but there was more "caffeine" than "gasoline". I complained about the price of gas some, but it was all about the Pepsi. Energy drinks? What do they have that Pepsi doesn't have?

Wait, don't answer that. I'm not sure I want to know.

==========================

Not again!! --Hurricane Rita is now a Category 5, and headed straight for Gavelston and Houston, TX. Rita is even stronger than Katrina that did all that damage in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast area.

And the price of gasoline has started going back up.

Oh. Great.

==========================

And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

We've been hit by "Hurricane Joe"

Time for the go go go existence of my 2 1/2 year old nephew...


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Isn't this interesting... ?

Larry pointed out to me today that OU and Del City High's football teams have the same record, 1-2.

I said that Del City should do whatever it was that helped them win on Friday, but I didn't phrase it quite like that, because Larry asked, "Do what? You mean besides the cussing and gun play?" (or something along those lines)

Next game is Friday. So far, Larry said, that I am the only one who has done a promo for the game. My comment was that I was the only female on the broadcast team and I was the only one who's completed a promo.

"Females are smarter," Larry said.

And I don't even like high school football.

Much.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

I forego a trip to the fair for...THIS???

Got back from the WWE thing at the Ford Center about 90 minutes ago...

It was the most contrived piece of shit I've ever seen in my four and some decades on this planet!

In my head, I predicted the outcome of every match. Every match followed a specific pattern and was so obviously choreographed that even a six year old could figure it out. If the audience cheered for a certain "wrestler", that guy won. There are bad guys and good guys. It's a real life cartoon, except with mock physical violence and fake blood.

There was this cage match where these guys fought over some ass ugly, overly made up, tattoed chick. She had "dated" one guy for 6 years before the other guy stole her away. Even the make out scenes were not convincing. These two morons beat the snot out of each other, then the predictable outcome: the "good guy", the one who lost his girl to the "bad guy", won, as I knew he would.

What really got me was the audience. They utterly believed this crap was real, and some paid nearly $200 to sit near the ring! Lots of people brought signs for their favorite wrestlers, and cheered as if this was the NBA finals!

And all I could do is sit there and shake my head in disbelief.

==================

A bit of bad news: Dean and Tori's dog Buffy passed away today from a brief illness brought on by an infection. My niece Amalia, and my youngest son, Marc, didn't take it well at all, according to Jeff.

Now there's just Nick (a husky), who's pretty damn old himself, and Betsy (some kind of border collie mix), left.

=================

And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

If given the choice...

between working WWE Wrestling and going to the Great State Fair of Oklahoma...

I'd pick the fair. But because I already committed to the WWE thing at the Ford Center, and because I need the money, honey, I can't go to the fair.

Everyone else except me and Mom are there. They only go once, so unless I can go with someone else before it ends next week, I'm out of luck this year.

:(

And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

I had a bad day again...

Friday was not a good day for me.

I stressed out over mistakes I made in my air show. I just have to remember that I'm still learning, still have a couple of months to go. My time is getting short, only 8 more weeks to go, and maybe I'm just letting it overwhelm me a little bit.

Okay, a lot.

I know I can do this! I was born to do this, of this I am certain. I just have to cut myself a break. Just take it one day at a time and stop looking so far ahead.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Well, will wonders ever cease?

Del City won their game tonight, spoiling Edmond Memorial's Homecoming Game.

Del City Eagles: 28

Edmond Memorial Bulldogs: 21

Now the Eagles should do whatever they did tonight, and do it for the rest of the season. A win at home would be nice, and a great boost for the fans.

Next week is Del City's Homecoming Game. I wrote a great promo for it this week: Eagles young and old always return to the nest.

I wish I could figure out how to get the soundtrack in a format so that I can post it here. AudioBlogger, maybe?

Nah... it'd sound like crap that way.

Wow... Del City won! At least this year they won't be 0-10.

But I feel kinda bad because my son goes to Memorial. But I'll get over it.

And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

No football tonight, back to regular Friday schedule

it's an away game, but they're playing Edmond Memorial, where Scott goes to school. So far, Del City is 0-2. Can they overcome the Bulldogs? We'll see...

So that means that I have to adhere to my usual schedule on Fridays, 10am to 2pm. That means an air show in the practice studio.

I'm going to have a lot to do this weekend for school. I'm studying for my final, writing a three minute editorial about the US Constitution for Vocal Coaching, and going thru my commercial copy to see which commercials to include in my final air check. I've only decided on one do far.

I have to work Sunday night. It's a WWE wrestling show. I'm not so sure I want to be on the floor for this one. Those big muscle bound guys scare me!


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

What's with the headaches, man?

I've been struggling with headaches all week. My supply of Tylenol is running low, between the fibro pain, the RA pain and the headaches. Geez, you'd think someone would cut me some slack.

But, nooooooooooo!

My computer is behaving itself right now, but later... well, who knows! Maybe that's giving me the headaches; or maybe it's the DJ video that has been playing for the last couple of days at school. Right before I left school Tuesday night, I had a killer headache. Ben had started the DJ video after Vocal Coaching, and by the time it got to this one annoying as hell guy, it was 9pm and I had this headache. Time to go!

Is it really only 8 1/2 more weeks til my scheduled graduation date? Where did the last 6 months go?

Two guys graduated yesterday (Wednesday) and one will probably graduate later today (it is Thursday, right?).

I'm waiting for Tina to graduate... she'll be the first gal to graduate since I've been in school. Then I think Dustie is next, then me.

It seems like yesterday that I started out on this grand adventure... and now I'm almost done. I think next week is my last lecture, then a couple weeks after that, I'm out of Vocal Coaching, too.

Better get crackin' on the studying for my final, which will be the week of October 24th.


Well... my headache's gone!

For now.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Sometimes, I just get so tired...

like right now for instance.

I didn't really do anything today, except an Internet Show at school. I don't know why I should be so tired. Damn FMS!

My computer is giving me fits! It freezes, goes so slow that I begin to wonder if it's working, or just plain refuses to cooperate.

That's my day. How was yours?


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

There are some days I hate my computer...

and this is one of them!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I know there is ONE person who can relate to this, especially today!



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Sometimes, I amaze myself

...with what I'll put my body through to make a buck.

I worked the OU/Tulsa game down in Norman yesterday. I must have been temporarily insane when I agreed to do this! What it consisted of, basically, was standing for ten hours straight. At least I was not outside in the heat and humidity, or how I felt when I left would have been ten times worse.

My feet were really hurting by the time I was dropped off at my car. When I got home around 5pm, I slept for nearly five hours. I had gone to school to work the Del City football game the night before, went to bed late, then got up at "oh dark thirty" (about 5:45am) Saturday morning to be at the office at 7am.

I don't know how much longer I can ask my body to work this hard. I feel like crap right now, and at some point today, I will be taking another one of my infamous Three Hour Naps.

The concerts I can handle, because they last at the most about 5-6 hours. The pay sucks though. I did two events last month within three days, and got a check for a whopping $53! Most of it went into my gas tank, and that's almost gone!

The next OU game at home is in three weeks. If I can't sit for part of my shift, then I don't think I can handle it.

Producing the high school football games is a piece of cake compared to standing for ten or more hours. Unfortunately, I'm not getting paid for that... yet. Maybe I can apply for producer jobs thru school in addition to the on air jobs I want.

I'd love to kiss the security gig goodbye...


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Stef's Horrorscope, redux

It's almost eerie how these stupid things mirror my life in some way, shape or form. Maybe it's because of the previous post, I don't know. (Italics are mine, BTW)

Aquarius --

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Feeling a little down at the mouth when it comes to love? Well, not to worry, because things are about to change. However, if you want to take advantage of these great new opportunities in the realm of romance, it's time to toss out all the junk that's been cluttering your heart and brain. In other words, stop obsessing about the past. Everything that happened was meant to bring you to this moment, with your open and giving heart intact.

===========

How do I know that someone isn't going to rip my heart out of my chest, throw it down and stomp on it?

The simple answer is this: I don't. I think what this is saying is that I have to trust myself and my heart more, and put the past where it belongs-- in the past.

But why is that so damn hard?

I know I'm not the only one who has these thoughts. Maybe I'm the only one who puts them out for the whole damn world to read. Maybe someone out there reading this can relate and go, "Yeah, I know where she's coming from!"

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I don't know if it's because my time at school is getting short (nine more weeks as of Monday), and I'm anxious about the future, or it's the hurricane because it affected people I care about, or what. There are so many things I have to think about, and actions I have to take in order for my life to follow a new path.

It can be overwhelming at times. I have to continue to think positive. I know where thinking negative got me, and I don't want to ever go there again.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Bittersweet

There are times, though they have been few as of late, that I am completely unsure of myself.

You'd think that after 25 years of life where I was either married, in a relationship, or alone, that I'd have some idea about how it worked. I thought I did there for a while, then I met Saon and he turned all that upside down. By the time I realized there would never be a real relationship between us, that he had more personal issues than I was equipped to deal with, I was close to my lowest point on the relationship scale. It took a lot of faith and a lot of soul searching to get to the point where I feel good about myself and my ability to have friends of the other gender that could possibly develope into something more.

But being ready to date? No way! I just couldn't see myself using chat lines, or online personals, or going to nightclubs to meet people. That has never been my scene, ever.

The thought of dating scares me. Me, competing for men my age with women half my age? Not in this lifetime, pal! I'd rather be alone than have to go through that!

But now, I'm at that point where if I were to be in a relationship now, I'd want it to mean something. I want to do it right this time. But, I don't think I know how!

My confidence in that area is not as high as my confidence in other things. I've come to realize recently that I expect certain things to go wrong. I expect men to lie to me, for example, or to tell me things they think I want to hear, instead of what I need to hear.

I can trace this back to at least 2002, when Saon and I met. I believe to this day that he loved me at one time, and he may still love me. Only he knows that. But all he had put me through emotionally, both the highs and the lows, drained me. I know he's a good man, and I know he's going to come through all he's been through, especially in the last week and a half, a better person. I've always had faith in him, but he couldn't, or wouldn't, return it in kind. You kinda have to have faith in yourself to do that, I guess.

Still, I can't blame everything on him. I take responsibility for my part in it, too. Maybe I expected too much, I don't know. As I've said he's a good man. To paraphrase Pearl Jam's "Black": someday he'll be a star in somebody else's sky. Just not mine, and I know this now.

I have to get past that point of expecting men to treat me badly. I know not all men are like that. I know one now that I'm sure isn't. It's just me...it's an issue I have to deal with. And it scares me.

If you've gotten this far, congratualtions! I know I have a tendency to ramble on about things like this. Thanks for bearing with me on this soul searching expedition.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Damn air dam...

Until the other day, I had no idea what that doohickey under the front bumper was called. All I knew is that it was dragging on the ground because it won't clear the curbs or concrete bumpers in parking lots, and now it's hanging on by one lone bolt. It's made of plastic, and it's pretty torn up.

Last night on the way home from school, I had to find a way to keep it from dragging on the ground while I drove home. I pulled into a gas station on Sunnylane and went into the convenience store to ask if they had a twisty-tie, or a piece of twine, or something about 8-10" long so I could tie up the air dam so I could get home without it dragging all the way up I-35. All the teenage clerk could offer me was a plastic grocery sack. Another customer offered to check in his toolbox to see if he had a zip tie I could use, but he didn't have any. So I used the plastic sack, torn up, and that did the trick.

As I left the gas station, there was a Del City police car in the parking lot of the shopping center across the street. Had I known he was there, I'd have asked him if he had a couple of zip ties. Police use them as handcuffs when arresting large groups of people.

I got home okay. Today though, it looks as though the other side was going to go, so after school today, I bought some zip ties at WalMart I found in the automotive section.

Tomorrow, I'll get the damn air dam back in place.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

The latest edition of Stef's Horrorscope:

I think this is yesterday's, but what the hell...


Stephanie's Daily Aquarius Forecast

Quickie: Happy or sad, make the effort to share your feelings and connect with others.

Overview: Letting an age, cultural or social difference stand in the way between you and a potential new pal is just silly. You know that the connection you two have goes way beyond mere surfaces. Ignore what others say.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
You've got an intensely devoted, loyal heart -- and a questing, independent spirit that just won't be tied down. This is a tough combo for some people to get, but rest assured, there are those out there who cherish this quixotic and delightful mixture. Someone who wants to blend their life with yours will understand why it is you who possess both these qualities in abundance -- and won't ask you to get rid of one or the other to satisfy them. Hang in there.

=====================

"there are those out there who cherish this quixotic and delightful mixture"?

I wonder who that could be, if anyone. The only person I can think of is JC, and he's taken. And, he's too far away for that, even if he were available.

I better stop thinking about that before I get myself into trouble.



That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

I think I'm coming down with something...

I feel kinda bleh. Maybe it's just the weird sleeping habits wreaking havoc with my immune system. I really should have a regular bedtime.

That's so hard to do sometimes...

It felt weird going to school today. Because of the holiday, my whole week is going to be thrown off. At least I know tomorrow is Wednesday, and I have my internet show to do from 12 til 2pm.

Weirdness from the weekend:

The van is burning oil
The air dam on the van is falling off and is presently being held in place by a torn plastic shopping bag from a gas station in Del City
Saon called (okay, that's not weird, but some of the things he said definitely were)
Joey can say a few more words, but still doesn't really talk, however,
Marc's friend Boonie talks a lot
And--
I feel like crud.

Any questions?



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

I think I need to apologize

I've been thinking about this all weekend, and I feel bad for something I did last week that I didn't feel bad about at the time.

I don't know if an apology is necessary, I just feel I owe someone one.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, beating myself up over something that really isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe I've just been thinking about it, trying to rationalize it, and coming up empty.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

God, I don't want to screw this up!


That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Some good news!

Saon's okay!!!

He's in Alexandria, LA, staying with the family of a girl he knows. Apparently, he's doing what he needs to to survive.

I'm just glad he's okay. He told me that he's going to go back to Minnesota, because his sister (Darlene, I'm assuming, since her son has been up there for about a year now), is there. He needs to raise the funds though.

Saon briefly described the chaos going on in New Orleans and in Jefferson Parish, where he was living.

It's a madhouse.

I have to move on with my life. Saon will always be my friend. I have to work hard to achieve my goal of finishing school and getting a job in radio.

I guess I can cross Louisiana off my list of states to look for radio jobs in.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Ray Nagin is my hero, too...

Stacy at Jurgen Nation published this interview of New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin that was on either radio or TV, and I don't blame the man one bit for being royally pissed off. He has the balls to say what I'm sure everyone has been thinking since Katrina hit and the federal response was woefully and inexcusably tardy.

I vote Ray Nagin Mayor of New Orleans for Life!


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

My life keeps getting weirder and weirder

(is "weirder" a real word?)

The Hurricane Katrina drama is still playing out on the news. Every day, New Orleans has become more chaotic and lawless. People are dying as they wait for aid that never comes, others are becoming desperate for anything such as food, water, and clean bathrooms. The Astrodome is filled now, and refugees are being sent to various other places.

And finally, President Bush shows up. The lack of response from the federal government until today is unacceptable. Congress passed a multi billion dollar aid bill for the storm ravaged areas, but for some it might already be too late.

Still no word from Saon. I've left messages at craigslist.com and nola.com, and I'm seriously considering calling Saon's ex wife to see if she's heard from him, or if he's in Minnesota with her. I pray nightly that he is not one of the casualties. The thought of Saon not being here anymore saddens me more than anything. I really do love him, even if we're not a couple anymore. I don't know what I'd do if I heard he didn't make it. Sometimes I feel like the only one who cares what happens to him.

=====
As for my life being weird... other things are happening that I don't want to write about in MVL. Maybe someday, I'll write about some of these things. Right now, I just can't. It's too personal, even for my blog.

Please bear with me while I sort this all out.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

I just can't watch anymore storm coverage...

Seeing all that destruction, all those people wading through filthy water, hearing Mayor Ray Nagin say that his city is drowning and that the death toll may go into the thousands in New Orleans alone... it brings me to tears.

The scenes of the city, and of the surrounding areas in both Louisiana and Mississippi, look like a war zone in a third world country, not like the United States. It just seems inconceivable that this kind of destruction happened here.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I feel helpless because I can't help.

Then there was the scene i saw tonight where there are coffins flung across what looks like a beach...coffins, presumably, that have someone's body inside. That just did it for me. I just can't watch anymore.

I am still hoping that Saon is okay, and that he'll call when he can get to a phone. For the first time since I've known him, I hope he went to Minnesota. I'm still trying to screw up the courage to call his ex and find out if he's there.

Meanwhile, I found this blog on Blogger's home page. It's two guys working for the Sun-Herald in Mississippi, tracking the storm and its aftermath. It's interesting to read because these two guys have seen the carnage in coastal Mississippi first hand. Check out Eye of the Storm.


And that's all from where I sit, wiping the tears from my eyes again...

--MorelaterZ--