Of lead weights and heavy minds

Earlier this evening, I wrote this rambling post about a phone call I had received the night before, and the things I found out while engaged in this conversation. They have been weighing heavily on my mind for the past 24 hours. The stress from all this has caused my stomach to be tied up in knots, and I can't seem to relax enough to make this uncomfortable feeling go away.

This ache in my stomach is very familiar. It's been nearly 2 years since I felt it.

Two years ago at the end of this month is not somewhere I want to go back to. I went into it happy and excited, and came out of it humiliated, used and alone. There is no friggin way I'm going to allow that to happen again.

I worked hard to get to this point in time. I'm happy for the most part, I'm learning something I've always wanted to know more about, I have friends, and I have a future waiting for me. I'm not going to throw all that away to take a trip into a past I cannot change. I think I've moved on from that point.

The person involved in all this is someone I still care for, but realize that there is no real future for me being with them. If they want to be friends, then fine. I can deal with that. But, in order to do this, I have to tell them in person. None of this bad news by phone, or worse yet, the internet. Bad news is best delivered in person, with honesty and regard for the person's feelings. Just because they discounted my feelings does not mean I can do the same to them. Two wrongs never makes it right.

I have the original post saved in Blogger as a draft. I don't know if I will post it or not.

I don't want to hurt this person, but I might not have any choice.

We'll just have to wait and see what happens.



That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--