I don't get it...I felt great last week
This week, it's like my whole life went to hell.
It could have something to do with Saon calling me the other night. It's 1:30 something in the morning and I'm down in the bathroom when my cell rings. I guess Jeff answered it, because he's the one who told me that Saon had called. Saon asked Jeff to have me call him at work, so that's what I did.
And we talked for a good long while. Saon said all the things he thinks I want to hear, like he still loves me. Maybe that's true, but there is no way I am going down to New Orleans to see him just because he says he misses me. I told him that I have to be committed to school until at least the end of November, so no vacations in my future. Besides, I'm broke; even if I had the money I wouldn't go. So I could be humiliated again? Not just no, but HELL NO! Let him come up here for a change. I'm sure that he won't so I'm not really worried about that.
Even since then, though, I've felt like crap, both physically and emotionally. Today at school, I really thought I was going to bust out crying. It just seems so bizarre that a couple of phone calls can do that to me. I feel better now, but I just don't get it.
At some point, I'll have to tell him that friendship is really all I can handle with him for right now. I tried to make a relationship work, but the timing just wasn't right. I know he wanted it to work, too, but he had other issues that predated me that he's just now resolving. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I've moved on. I'll always be his friend, I'll always care. That's just the way it has to be for now.
And that's all from where I sit.
--MorelaterZ--
It could have something to do with Saon calling me the other night. It's 1:30 something in the morning and I'm down in the bathroom when my cell rings. I guess Jeff answered it, because he's the one who told me that Saon had called. Saon asked Jeff to have me call him at work, so that's what I did.
And we talked for a good long while. Saon said all the things he thinks I want to hear, like he still loves me. Maybe that's true, but there is no way I am going down to New Orleans to see him just because he says he misses me. I told him that I have to be committed to school until at least the end of November, so no vacations in my future. Besides, I'm broke; even if I had the money I wouldn't go. So I could be humiliated again? Not just no, but HELL NO! Let him come up here for a change. I'm sure that he won't so I'm not really worried about that.
Even since then, though, I've felt like crap, both physically and emotionally. Today at school, I really thought I was going to bust out crying. It just seems so bizarre that a couple of phone calls can do that to me. I feel better now, but I just don't get it.
At some point, I'll have to tell him that friendship is really all I can handle with him for right now. I tried to make a relationship work, but the timing just wasn't right. I know he wanted it to work, too, but he had other issues that predated me that he's just now resolving. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I've moved on. I'll always be his friend, I'll always care. That's just the way it has to be for now.
And that's all from where I sit.
--MorelaterZ--
My name is Stef, and I approve this post. Posted @ 1:03 AM
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