...I hear that old song they used to play

Warning: nostalgia alert...

Before I was "Tank's Grrl", I was someone else. How I managed to be that someone else is beyond me. Someone Else was naive, clueless, and in major denial from about mid-1994 to 1999.

By mid 1994, I had had my fourth son, and I knew deep inside somewhere that my marriage had become this huge joke. Jon was, and still is, self absorbed, selfish, and it was his way or no way. I was tired of pretending that things were anything other than perfect. Everyone but me knew what an idiot he was, but by 1994, it was becoming abundantly clear to me that my marriage was coming to an end. I told someone recently that if I had things to do over, I'd have left Jon and taken the 4 kids with me and gone elsewhere. But, I didn't. But that's a story I still can't tell, even after eight years. It's still too painful.

But, I digress...

I was thinking about a man I knew when I lived in Norfolk, VA, today. I wondered how he was, and what he's been doing since I last saw him six years ago. It was a brief relationship with this man that signaled in my mind that my marriage was, for all intents and purposes, over.

I want to look on the internet and see if he has an email address, and write just to say hi...but I'm afraid to.

And this got me thinking about the relationships with men I've had in the years since my divorce. How I got to where I am now, how I became "Tank's Grrl".

Maybe I'll cover that in another post.

More than a feeling
When I hear that old song they used to play
And I begin dreaming...