I don't want to go off on a rant here...

I spent yesterday afternoon looking for a job at the local mall...any job. I filled out applications until my fingers went numb. Hopefully, something will come of this.

My mother is still bitching about my getting some sort of income. Basically, she doesn't believe that I am really looking. What does she thinks I go to the library for? I'm not playing on the internet the whole time. If she's going to blame me for all her financial problems, she should just come out and say so, instead of this beating around the bush shit that she's so good at.

I am thisclose to leaving Oklahoma and never coming back. As soon as I get a job, and save some money, I'm so out of here. I thought home was the place that when you showed up, they have to let you in, but they're doing a damn good job letting me know I'm no longer welcome.

Fine. I'll leave. I'll break ties with the lot of them, and then it will be left to my sister to tell my younger boys the truth as to why I left. She won't though (tell the truth), because anything I do, the outcome is always going to be my fault. And I couldn't do that to my boys. My sister knows that I'm not able to take them back now, and she lords it over me everytime I talk to her, whether she realizes it or not.

And, I admit, some things are my fault. I take full blame and responsibilty for them. I get the feeling that my sister thinks that my very existence is my fault, that they'd all be better without me. Careful what you wish for, sis...you just might get your wish.

MorelaterZ--