If you don't expect it, you won't be disappointed...

Saon didn't call yesterday. I didn't expect him to. He is working that festival in Gretna this weekend, he has to work at his real job Sunday, he's not feeling well...

Bottom line is, I don't believe anything he tells me anymore. If he calls, he calls; if not, then oh well.

Until I went to Gretna, I had no reason to not believe him when he spoke. He never gave me any reason to. He'd always been honest with me. But he shattered the trust I had in him the second he decided to betray me.

That makes me sad.

I know there are things in his life that need to be dealt with. He needs to deal with them first, then decide if he wants to have someone to share his life.

I should hate the man's guts, but I can't. There are flashes of compassion, of civility, of decency in him that I cannot ignore. He rejects people, and their attempts to treat him decently, before they have a chance to reject him. I never rejected him, never discounted him, and he can't see that!

Is it enough that I care about him? That I see more in him than a quick roll in the sack? That I never wanted anything from him other than that he's already given me?

He has to learn to like himself, and trust in the goodness of people. Not everyone is out to screw him over, not everyone is out to remind him of his failures, not everyone is out to judge him based on his outward appearance.

Saon, give me a chance to show you that you are worthy of all I've given you. You have a special place in my heart, and that I do truly care for and about you.