Wishful thinking?

I've been thinking about my friend, JC, lately. Of all the people I know in Massachusetts/New Hampshire, he's really the only one that I am still maintaining contact with after nearly a year in Oklahoma. He'e been a great friend to me and has gotten me thru some of my most emotional times when I felt I was at the end of my rope and had no one else to turn to. He has had advice that made perfect sense and I wondered why I didn't think of that.

When we met in June, 2002, the physical attraction was immediate. We couldn't take our eyes off each other, and he couldn't stop telling me how beautiful I was. After two weeks of heavy duty flirting and getting much too close to intimacy than we were both ready for, he decided that we should just be friends, because he was afraid to risk everything he'd worked a lifetime to achieve. At the time, I didn't understand why he allowed this fling to continue if he couldn't commit to it fully. I knew about his live-in girlfriend, but also thought that there was something really wrong with that relationship if he was looking for something with me.



After that, I didn't see him for about 5 months, meanwhile, I'd met Saon and went on the road with the carnival to be with him.

And look where that ended up.

JC and I were supposed to get together before I left for Oklahoma last December, but he had come down with the flu and the meeting never happened. It's been strictly email and snail-mail contact since then.

So why is he on my mind so much lately? I know I have no chance with him, as he is still with his girlfriend, and I have unresolved issues in my relationship with Saon to deal with. Maybe it's just an escapist fantasy...

I just don't know. I need to get some answers about things...

MorelaterZ--