I really miss him

but I can't do anything about it. It seems to be out of my hands. He hurt me very deeply, and I don't know if I could ever trust him again. Still, I want to talk to him and get some answers and possibly some closure. However, he's not talking, at least not to me. I don't know why, and maybe I don't care...but I do care, dammit!!

Somewhere deep inside him, I hope he feels bad for what he did to me. He probably doesn't give me any thought.

If he calls, he calls. If not, then I guess I have my answer.

I still care for him. I think I always will. All I know is that I have some changes to make in my life, and I'll bet even money that he does as well. But, only he can make those changes when he's ready to do so.

And when he's ready, I hope he'll give me --us-- another chance.

Always go with your gut...and my gut says wait, don't write him off quite yet. He's a good person, and he needs to realize that he is worthy and deserving of all I've given him in the last 14 months. Has anyone really cared for him and about him, without wanting something in return? Michele, maybe. All I wanted from him is what he's freely given me, his love and his trust. All I've wanted for him was his happiness.

I don't think he's happy now. He thinks he is, but time will tell.

Meanwhile, I gotta get on with it. Keep my mind occupied. Try not to think about him.

That is so hard though. Everything I see, hear, feel, reminds me of that sweet man I met in Bangor 14 months ago. What happened to him?