Essay: Come Out and Play?
One of the things I was thinking about on Saturday was how do I get out of my comfort zone?
I've become rather comfortable as of late, and as much as I want things to change, I'm kind of scared for them to. I know they have to, because I cannot live like this long term. I'll go insane if I do.
A litte more than a year ago, I embarked on a journey to make a long held dream come true. It's something I've always wanted to do, and now that I've been prepared for the journey to come, I find that I'm a little, well, hesitant, to take that next big step.
I know what I have to do, and I will get that taken care of. Tweak something here, redo something there; relax and just talk.
I'm not your average forty-something divorcee. I've never been anything anyone has expected. Some people (i.e. my sister) call that being immature, selfish, not grounded in reality. I call it being quite real. I know what I can't do, and I know what I'm good at. I accept my limitations, my weaknesses, my faults. I have found that some of the most judgemental people find fault with me because they are afraid those same traits exist within themselves, and that's not "normal" or "expected". It's almost like a gay person denying their gayness; they know it's there, but it's not "normal" or "expected" as well. And no, I'm not gay...far from it!
How many people can look in the mirror every morning and like what they see? It took me a long time, a lot of pain, and a lot of self discovery, but I'm at a place now where I like the Stef I see in the mirror in the morning (wild hair and unruly cowlicks aside).
So, I guess it's time to do that what scares me, makes me nervous, and gives me pause. The only way to conquer my fears is to meet them head on.
It's time for me to go out and play. And maybe, I'll knock on a certain door, and ask the person on the other side if they'd like to take a chance and join me. What's the worst that could happen? They could say no. If so, I can handle it.
But if they say yes...
I'll keep you posted.
And that's all from where I sit.
--MorelaterZ--
I've become rather comfortable as of late, and as much as I want things to change, I'm kind of scared for them to. I know they have to, because I cannot live like this long term. I'll go insane if I do.
A litte more than a year ago, I embarked on a journey to make a long held dream come true. It's something I've always wanted to do, and now that I've been prepared for the journey to come, I find that I'm a little, well, hesitant, to take that next big step.
I know what I have to do, and I will get that taken care of. Tweak something here, redo something there; relax and just talk.
I'm not your average forty-something divorcee. I've never been anything anyone has expected. Some people (i.e. my sister) call that being immature, selfish, not grounded in reality. I call it being quite real. I know what I can't do, and I know what I'm good at. I accept my limitations, my weaknesses, my faults. I have found that some of the most judgemental people find fault with me because they are afraid those same traits exist within themselves, and that's not "normal" or "expected". It's almost like a gay person denying their gayness; they know it's there, but it's not "normal" or "expected" as well. And no, I'm not gay...far from it!
How many people can look in the mirror every morning and like what they see? It took me a long time, a lot of pain, and a lot of self discovery, but I'm at a place now where I like the Stef I see in the mirror in the morning (wild hair and unruly cowlicks aside).
So, I guess it's time to do that what scares me, makes me nervous, and gives me pause. The only way to conquer my fears is to meet them head on.
It's time for me to go out and play. And maybe, I'll knock on a certain door, and ask the person on the other side if they'd like to take a chance and join me. What's the worst that could happen? They could say no. If so, I can handle it.
But if they say yes...
I'll keep you posted.
And that's all from where I sit.
--MorelaterZ--
My name is Stef, and I approve this post. Posted @ 11:52 AM
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