"You didn't just hang up on me"

Saon called me again today. I was on my way home from my sister's (again) when my cell phone rang. Saon asked what I was doing and I told him that I was driving home from my sister's. He said he'd call me after I got home. No sooner did I hang up with him, then my mom called, telling me that Saon called the house.

Saon did call back shortly after 6pm, and we talked for about 15 minutes. Then I heard his dog barking in the background. Then I heard a dial tone. "Oh, no," I said aloud, "you didn't just hang up on me!"

I called him back a few minutes later on his cell phone, and he was a bit annoyed. I asked why he hung up on me, and he said he didn't realize he had, because when he came back to the phone, I was gone. He said he'd call me back later. That's usually Saon-speak for he'll call me back when he's damn good and ready to. Whether he calls tonight or he calls some other day is entirely up to him. I can't worry about it anymore.

I'm not going to call him anymore if he's going to be annoyed at me for interrupting him. This is what I fear every time I call him.

I wish I knew what was going on in his head. And sometimes, I'm glad I don't. I've given him my heart, and I don't understand why he keeps pushing me away. What is he so afraid of? Why does he hate himself so much?

I don't think even he has the answers to those questions.


That's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--