I want to believe...I really, really do...but

I talked to Saon on the phone the other night. He told me that he understood why I got so upset Monday night/Tuesday morning, and didn't blame me for it. I told him I was not proud of the way I acted, but if it were him instead of me, wouldn't he act the same? He said he probably would have.

There hasn't been any more between him and the slut/roommate since then, because she's still hung up on her boyfriend (Darlene pretty much predicted this, as the roomie has pulled this stunt numerous times in the past). Saon said again that he isn't ready for another relationship, with me or anyone else. He'd been in a relationship most of his adult life (with his soon to be ex, Michele), and he needed to take time for himself and get his life straightened out. I told him that he needed to take care of him before he could even consider inviting another person into his life, and he surprised me by actually agreeing.

I really want to believe him, but I don't know if I can right now. I still and always will love and care for him, but I need time to let my heart heal. Saon understands that what he did hurt me deeply, and he feels bad about it. He told me, again, that we will always be friends, and that if are meant to be more than that, then it will be. He pretty much has given me first dibs when he's ready for another relationship.

I can't even consider giving my heart to him again right now. He better be damn sure that a relationship with me (or anyone else) is what he really wants, because I cannot go thru what I've been thru with him in the last 2 weeks again. It nearly killed me this time. Should there even be a "next time"? That is not for me to say at this time.

MorelaterZ--