Neko

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

"Laissez les bons temps rouler!"

Happy Mardi Gras!




copyright 2005 Mistretta




Now I gotta figure out what I'm going to give up for Lent! Maybe I'll try to give up caffeine again. Or something...


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Sunday, February 26, 2006

I wish I didn't know what I know

Question is, what do I do with the information that I wish I didn't have?



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Hmmm... maybe's he's right

and... maybe not *wink*


You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt.
And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting.
Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt.
And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!


A Blogthings thing...



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Saturday, February 25, 2006

I guess it's not going to happen

Which is fine because I was kinda hoping it wouldn't. Can't fall back into that trap. I'm beyond that now.

I hope.

=====

I've noticed over the last few weeks that people usually find their way to MVL searching for certain things. Most notably they use "mi vida loca" or variations of same, such as:

vida
loca
la vida loca
mi loca
etc...

Also, they might use "my crazy life", which, of course, is what "mi vida loca" is in English.

I've also had people land here by putting in search terms that correspond to subjects I've written about in the nearly three years I've had this blog. The most common ones are:

*schlagschocken (Feb 05)
*jibjab (correct) or jigjag (incorrect), when referring to the short cartoons on various political subjects by the Spiridelis brothers of California (various times throughout 2004 and beyond)
*Bush, and/or Kerry (2004 elections)
*"Stay As You Are" by Span, song used in Xterra commercials in 2004 and 2005
*Henry Del Toro, Henry "The Bull" Del Toro, Tommy and the Bull, FM99, WNOR (Virginia Beach DJ who died in 2002 and the radio station he was once affiliated with) (various times since 2004)
*Hurricane Katrina, Gulf Coast, New Orleans (since 29 Aug 05)

And, various other search terms that may or may not make sense on how someone got here. One from yesterday is "because i said so steph". I've never shortened my given name, Stephanie, this way, because it looks like it's been cut in half. I prefer "Stef" thanks.

I've even had "Girls Gone Wild" as a search term that made it to this blog. I may have mentioned it in passing at some point in the last three years. I don't know...

It always cracks me up when someone uses Ask Jeeves or ask.com and phrases their query in the form of a question. What is this, Jeopardy???

("I'll take Signatures for $1000, Alex")


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Friday, February 24, 2006

Surprise!

...and other things I should have written about instead of what I wrote about last night.

I got an email from someone this morning. I don't usually get emails from this person, so this was a pleasant surprise.

There were some many things I was going to write about last night, but I wrote about a tummyache instead?!?

I'll write about those things tonight or sometime over the weekend... I have to make a ciggie run :P


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

What's this? An upset stomach?

Lovely. That's all I need.

Maybe it's nerves, though I don't have anything really to be nervous about.

I think I'll go to bed. It will all look better in the morning.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

See, I come by this honestly!

Found over at JaG's blog:


Your Blogging Type is Cutting Edge and Amusing

You're a legendary storyteller, and you amuse many with your anecdotes.
In fact, you can turn the dullest part of your day into a colorful event.
You're also up on what's new and cool - from fashions, to links, to gadgets.
You're the perfect combo: down to earth, funny, and a little mischievous.


Another Blogthings thing, of course.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I'm an idiot

I should know better than to talk about politics.

I think I pissed someone off today when I did just that.

One of the the things I hate about IMs is that you can't tell when someone is being sarcastic. And I stuck my foot in my mouth. Again.

I'm sorry :(




And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Someone pass the Tylenol, please...

Yesterday, I was so stiff and sore from the bowling I did with Scott and Jeff at Incredible Pizza, that I felt like I'd sprained/strained something. My left hip and my butt were especially sore.

I hadn't been bowling in at least 20 years, and getting caught up in the moment, I decided that I was going to go bowling and asked Scott to come with me. Jeff joined us later.

I think I forgot temporarily that I'm 42 years old. Whatever made me think I could keep up with a not-quite 20 year old and an almost 15 year old? I don't know, but I do know this: I had fun!!!

So I got a little sore... it won't kill me, and I am not sore today. I feel pretty good as a matter of fact.

I wish I'd gotten to try the go carts, though.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Dan, Jeff, and Stephanie starring in Cobalts On Ice

Amalia decided to have her family birthday party at a place in Warr Acres called Incredible Pizza. Housed in what looks like a former WalMart, it is simply the biggest pizza and arcade place I've ever seen! there's even a bowling alley and go cart racing there, too!

Getting there was an event in itself. Mom went with Tori, Dean, et al., and Jeff and I went with Daniel.

Since it had been snowing/sleeting for the last two days, the roads were somewhat slick. Sometimes, all Daniel had to do was tap his brakes and he'd go into a skid. The snow plows hadn't been out, and it was pretty dicey.

We finally got there, and we all had a good time. Jeff, Scott and I went bowling. None of us did very well. I don't think Jeff or Scott had ever bowled before, and I haven't bowled in at least 20 years. Daniel and Jeff did miniature golf, and Scott and I played a spirited game of air hockey.

Then the return trip was just as slippery as the trip up there. Chevy Cobalts don't skate very well. Daniel kept begging the car to just stop. Sometimes, it'd just slide, and that wasn't fun.

It was all good because we got home okay.

=====

You know, I hate being told how to do things, like how to wear my hair.

Jon did that to me the whole time we were married, and I came to resent it. Like Jon knew what looked good on me?? Like I couldn't make that detemination for myself?

Saon tried doing that during an IM this evening, and I was having none of it. He told me that plus size women looked good with longer hair... and maybe some do. It's a matter of personal preference I think. I told him that I'd gotten a lot of compliments on my appearance and the way that my hair looks right now, and he accused me of being "bitchy".

Saon really doesn't have any right to tell me how to wear my hair. We aren't a couple anymore, and he doesn't take the advice he's given about his appearance, so why should I let him tell me what he thinks is good for me? If I ask for his opinion that's one thing, but him just giving it to me without my asking him too is a little presumptuous on his part.

As someone told me a while back: just be you. And that's what I'm doing... being me. And if I want to wear my hair short, with the bangs, then that's my right. It IS my hair, right?


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Happy Birthday, Amalia!

7 years old...wow!









Love, Auntie Stefie



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Friday, February 17, 2006

Yesterday was insane, today is cold...

is that the mail truck I hear...? Not that I'm expecting anything worth writing home about....

All four of my boys were here yesterday, and it was chaos! They're so loud! Scott and Marc had homework, and they seem to get distracted at the slightest thing (Joey running around, Pinky bothering them, the TV with the Winter Olympics on...)!

Scott is still making up all these quizzes that he didn't do well on, and one was in Spanish. Daniel was quizzing Scott on some of the phrases Scott was studying. Marc had to write down 36 vocabulary words, and he was only on #15. "Well, if you don't talk everytime something happens, you'll get done, " I told him. Marc is so afraid that stuff will happen that's he's not part of, so he has to get his two cents worth in...

After the homework was done, all of them were playing Battleship. Joey kept trying to steal the little pegs! And Joey wanted cookies, and was dismayed that the cookies we usually have weren't in the usual place, and of course, that meant a temper tantrum (oh. joy.).

Finally, my sister came back from Amalia's ballet class and got everyone who lives at her house (except Daniel).

The rest of the evening wasn't that notable, except when Daniel, Jeff and I went to the store and had to go outside. Damn, it got cold!

And it's about 25 right now at 10:45am CST... Now winter shows up!


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Yahoo News: Post-Katrina stress still weighs on New Orleans

This scares me.

It scares me because I think one of the two people I know who went thru Katrina has this, or a form of it.

And they're too proud, intimidated or scared to get help.

Again, I feel helpless... I know I can't suggest that they get help, because it would signal to them that I think they're weak.

If they do decide they need help, they should stay where they're at, instead of trying to go back to New Orleans. And they should definitely get out of the situation they're in now, because I fear that will make what they're feeling worse. Certain people just don't, won't or refuse to understand how going thru Katrina has affected this person.

I don't understand it either, having not gone thru it... I can only imagine what seeing and experiencing that can do to someone who hasn't always had the best in life.

I've written other posts that I've chosen not to publish here about this same person and the effect of Katrina has had on them. I don't know how many Katrina survivors read MVL, I do know that the person I'm referring to here does not.

Of course, I could go on and on about how the government (President Bush & FEMA mainly) is still dragging their feet nearly six months later, but I won't. It'll just make me mad, then I'll have to replace the "F" word with "bleepin'" like I did in my post yesterday.

There is nothing more I can say at this juncture... I can only pray.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

It's 2:22am CST and I'm hooking my horse up to the Bitching Post*

*maybe I'll explain this title someday. Right now I just don't --bleepin'-- want to.


(CAUTION: RANT ALERT)

Why is it that people, guys especially, think it's cute to ask a gal to show them a certain part of their anatomy when they're drunk? If this were in person, the guy would be in the hospital and I would be in the Oklahoma County lockup because with the mood I'm in, some guy might find himself singing soprano (and I don't mean Tony and the family from the TV show, either).

I can count on less than one hand the men who have had the privledge of seeing said part of my anatomy. It's a very exclusive club.


And, why is it that when I write to all these radio stations about working for them, they don't bother to write back? If I suck, or I'm just not right for your station, format, etc., tell me so! I'm a big grrl, I can handle a little bad news now and again. How am I going to get the experience if no one will give me a bleepin' chance?! Do I have to be a bleepin' pain in the ass?


And, why does my ex boyfriend instant message me to tell me what he's doing in that apartment in the middle of bleepin' nowhere, MN while his ex wife/roommate is at work? Like I give a care that he's cleaning the kitchen or scarfing down a whole banana creme pie (no wonder he's put on so much weight!) or taking his $400 pit bull out to relieve himself?


And, why is it that my mother complains about being broke, then wants a $5 pack of coffin nails like right this very second, then gets mad when I don't go out right this very second? Doesn't she realize that she could save money by quitting? No, of course not!


And, why is it that ... no, never mind. I'm not going to rant about that. It's probably all my fault anyway.

/END RANT

Do I feel better? Not really. I just have a headache. I want to cry, but I can't right now.


'night all.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I knew it!

Y'all are wimps! LOL

I didn't expect anyone to respond anyway. It was just me being facetious on a holiday that reminds quite a lot of people that unless you're part of a couple, you're no one.

My dad used to get me, my sister, and our mom something every year for Valentine's Day; usually it was just a card and a small heart shaped box of candy from See's Candies. He liked getting stuff for "his girls". And after my sister and I left home, it did it every year for just Mom after that until he got sick. My dad's been gone going on 6 1/2 years now...

Besides, I just had a birthday, and that's a little more important than Valentine's Day anyway.

So why does my heart ache so?



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Well, will you...?

(guys only... I don't swing that other way, thanks! LOL)









Leave me your answer in the comments... if you dare! heheheheheh!




And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Monday, February 13, 2006

Gotta knock this 3am crap off...

because I still get up @10am, no matter how little sleep I get!

Well, better get back to finding a job...



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon my head

...and now I have the mother of all headaches.

It started shortly after I arrived home from my birthday lunch at TGIFridays-- if you haven't tried their potstickers appetizer, all I can say is yuuuummmm!

But I digress...

I didn't come home overstuffed for a change. I did, however, come home really sleepy. After about an hour I was in dreamland, and slept thru most of the Winter Olympics I wanted to see.

My head is throbbing, despite the fact that I've taken Aleve for the pain.

I think I'm going to go back to bed. Night all!



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Week in review (a "when I remember to do it" feature)

This was the week of my 42nd birthday. At least this year, I wasn't sick or getting over something.

Sunday 2/5: Jeff went over to my sisters to watch Joey. Tori told me that Scott isn't turning in his homework, so now she has access to Scott's grades online. I think that's a great idea. I wish they had something like that when Daniel and Jeff were in high school (seeing that they were in the same school district). I think they started that after Jeff graduated in 04.

Monday 2/6: Of course, with the money Jeff got for babysitting his cousin, he had to go over to the mall and blow it on a manga (I can't believe those books are that expensive!).

Several times this week, Saon IM'd me for one lame excuse after another. For someone I dated for two years , you'd think he'd know when my birthday is. I think all he knows is that it's in February.

Tuesday 2/7: Jeff goes back over to Tori's to watch Joey. My eternal search for a radio job is ongoing. I heard from several potential employers this week. Allaccess.com is a Godsend! Now if one of those stations would just give me a job, I'd be the happiest late-bloomer radio rookie on the globe!

Wednesday 2/8: Back over to the mall with Jeff. This time, in addition to a manga, he buys me a birthday gift... then gives it to me when we meet up in the food court! For the 4th year in a row, I have a 365 Cats desk calendar!

I also got a call from a Program Director in Colorado, and it sounds promising. I'd have the opportunity to learn everything, and provided I work hard and prove myself, would be willing to put me in touch with other radio stations around the country.

Thursday 2/9: MY BIRTHDAY!!! I got a lot of birthday greetings from various sources, including one from a new site called "Blogger Birthdays". Apparently, the guy who runs that blog is from the OKC area, if what Site Meter says is so. How cool is that?! "Blogger Birthdays" is now on my blogroll if you want to check him out.

I also called Vincent, who has been in the hospital up in Enid for about a month, and expects to be there for another month. The poor guy is bored out of his gourd! If I can get the funds together to buy gas, I might take a little road trip up that way.

Friday 2/10: Did do much of anything today. Saon popped on and offline at will, talked to a friend who got free tickets to Saturday's Blazers (hockey team) game at the Ford Center, and did some research into the radio station up in Colorado.

So... how was YOUR week?



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Friday, February 10, 2006

Silly little Valentines...

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive



Another Blogthings thing.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Thanks for all the good wishes

I had a great birthday, and I appreciate all the great bday greetings I got here, on myspace.com, in email and IMs.

So far, to my knowledge, no one has decided to donate to the Katrina charities I mentioned a post or two back. And, that's fine. I had no expectations. But it never hurts to ask. If you decide later that you want to, great! Help New Orleans and the Gulf Coast back on their feet. I promise you'll feel great doing so. Email me if you do. Check out this post for the 411.

Someone wished me a happy birthday three times! Wait til March, mister... *wink*

We had a little family party at the house, complete with KFC and cake. Saturday, I get my birthday dinner at a location yet to be determined. I know that I won't be going to Eskimo Joe's in Stillwater. My sister said that she's not taking her kids to a bar.

Jon text messaged me happy birthday greetings, asking how it felt to be 42. I felt like telling him, shit, Jon, YOU tell ME! You were 42 once not too long ago (he's 46).

But I didn't. What good ex wife I am! (bleh!)


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Put another candle on my birthday cake I'm another year old today...

Alert the Edmond Fire Department!

LOL

(Hey, if I can't poke fun at my own birthday, what's the point?)



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--



UPDATE: 11 FEB 06 1329 CST-- I can't believe I didn't mention this somewhere... but one of the birthday cards I got from my family has one of those chips with a fire engine siren in it! Either someone in the family (besides Jeff) reads my blog, or it was just a freaky coincidence.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

A humble birthday request

In a post a few days ago, I made a simple request in light of the fact that my birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to repeat that request here. If you are so moved to fulfil this request, by all means do.

I don't usually ask for things from my readers, like helping me get a free goodie by signing up for something, or anything like that. But this is still too important to just forget about , hoping someone else will step up and do this.

My humble request, if you so choose to do it, is this-- all I want for my birthday is for you to make a donation to one of the following charities to help those still trying to get back on their feet after Hurricane Katrina:

Habitat for Humanity
The American Red Cross
Salvation Army
or a similar charity of your choosing.

The Gulf Coast is still trying to come back after this natural disaster. There are still parts of Mississippi that may never come back without a lot of help. Parts of the Ninth Ward in New Orleans haven't even been touched. And many other places in the region that could use a lot of assistance, either monetarily or in person.

I have no expectations. I'm leaving it all up to you. You decide if this is something you want to do. No pressure from me. If you DO decide to donate, please email me and let me know. Use "Happy Birthday" as the subject if you want.

I thank you, not only for considering this request, but for reading MVL. I appreciate it very much.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Snap out of it!

Stupid birthday. It's still two days away for cryin' out loud!



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Monday, February 06, 2006

Tag! You're it!

I dare you to leave a comment about anything on this blog. There have been a lot of people coming by, but no one says anything. Are all of you lurkers?

Well, de-lurk yourself!

Even if you have nothing to say other than hello. I want to know you were here.

Granted I probably live a rather bland life, compared to other people. I'm not ashamed of my life. It could be (and has been) a whole lot worse. It's getting better by the day, but sometimes, like today, I feel a little down. It's normal.

So, come out of the shadows and make yourselves known!

TAG! YOU'RE IT!!!


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Sunday, February 05, 2006

He's in a bad mood, so he picks a fight with me?

I spent the better part of 2 hours in an IM argument with Saon. He's mad at Michele and he's bitching at me because I don't want to come up to MN to see him. Then he gets all bent out of shape when I call him on his negative attitude about my finding a job.

If he's got issues with Michele, what right does he have to take them out on me? Just leave me the hell alone if you're going to be like that.

I don't mean anything to him, although he really wants to believe it. He says he's "grown up" since I last saw him, but I don't know. I'm too damn old to be playing games with him. I need a real man, not a frustrated little boy in a 30 year old's body.

=====

And, in case you missed my last post on the subject about a year ago (or thereabouts):

POKER IS NOT A SPORT!!!!!

So, why is it on NBC's sports coverage? Like there aren't enough REAL sports on broadcast TV? Add money into the mix and it becomes a legitimate sport? How lame!!

Poker is just a card game to me. Play by play poker? Yeah right.

Who cares about poker outside of a casino, or the boys night out poker game?



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

403 Forbidden? WTF? I can't see my own frigging blog????

What is going on here??? Sitemeter says only 7 hits for all of today?

This happened the other day when I tried to see duff's blog, this 403 crap.

I've written to Blogger, but the problem will probably work itself out before they can respond.

=====

Vincent called me this morning, he's still in the hospital, and he's bored. He thinks he'll be there for another week or two. He's really anxious to get his aircheck done and get a job.

Not that I blame him. I've been trying to get a job for three months now...

=====

I better take care of that little matter I've been meaning to take care of for about a month now. Just in time for my birthday.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Ahhh! Fresh meat!!

Or: the reason I haven't been in a Yahoo! chat room in over 5 years.

Saon IM'd me and invited me into a private chat room where some people he knew (a lot of his kin) were chatting. Yahoo froze on me...twice. After the second time, I just gave up. Meanwhile, I must have gotten a good two dozen IMs from total strangers, because somewhere in Yahoo! Chat, there is a list of all the people who are in chatrooms; or at least, that's the way it worked the last time I dared venture into Yahoo! Chat.

What is it, they see a new name and have to inundate that person with IMs? I thought my computer was going to have a meltdown! I thought I was going to have a meltdown! I felt like prey.

I can only handle one or two IMs at a time, because my computer is so damn old. And chat rooms? I can live without ever going into one again.

Know how to get rid of people who IM you and you don't know them? Tell them you don't have a webcam. I got rid of one guy that way. That's another thing my computer is too ancient for, and I'm not interested in having one anyway.

=====

And, it seems that Michele is pissed off at Saon for talking to me. He says that she would kick him out of their apartment if she found out he was still talking to me. He called me a few times, and apparently, the phone bill came recently. She saw the 405 area code and went into orbit.

Saon has always said she is very jealous. And, I don't get that. I'm no threat to her "relationship" with him from where I am. I don't want anything whatsoever to do with her. Saon asked me to come up and visit. I thought about it for all of about 2 seconds, and decided that I like living much more than I like looking over my shoulder.

The girl needs to make another trip to the looney bin and get her jealousy problem under control. She doesn't even know me!

=====

Okay, okay...enough about him...and her!

My birthday's coming, and that's the important thing. I have a Froogle wish list over there on the sidebar ------>>

Not that I expect to get anything from anyone on that list. It'd be nice, but unrealistic. So why did I point it out? Just to see if you're paying attention!

Actually, all I'd really want is for you to make a contribution to a charity that will help the victims of Katrina and Rita. Habitat for Humanity, or the Red Cross, or the Salvation Army, or a charity of your choosing. My family can get me "things". There are people in the hurricane zone living in FEMA trailers, trying to get it together to start over. They could still use a lot of help. If you want to do anything for me, do this. I don't know if anyone will, but it doesn't hurt to ask.



And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Friday, February 03, 2006

Uhhh...

I got a lovely early birthday gift from the United States District Court in Oklahoma City...

A jury duty questionnaire.

The last time I was summoned for jury duty, in 1998 (I think), I was living in Norfolk, VA, and worked nights at the call center that will remain nameless. I went every day my group was asked, and I was not asked to sit on any juries. I got $35 a day for my trouble. I got a whopping $105 for three days work.

And since I'm not working full time, I'm almost guaranteed to be called.

I'll have to ask Daniel about jury duty... he served about three years ago. I remember driving him down there.

All I can tell you about jury duty is that the waiting around is boring as hell. I will definitely be bringing a couple of books if I am called.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Life is too short for regrets

That has always been my line. Life is too short for regrets.

Here I am, 6 days from my 42nd birthday... all weepy and emotional and crap. It's almost like I'm pregnant again with all the mood swings. There's this one commercial on TV for a local hospital, about a little boy who died on his 7th birthday, and his organs were donated. One saved another little boy about the same age. I can't get thru this commercial without crying. I've always been a sensitive soul, but this is getting ridiculous!

And time is flying by way too fast. I was talking to someone earlier today (OK, yesterday, then) who says he feels that way, too. Gets to thinking about things that were done that are now regrets. I try not to think that way, but lately, it just sneaks up on me and says "BOO STEF HAHAHAHAHA!"

Yes, there are things I did when I was young that I wish I hadn't, and things I didn't do that I wish I had. Last March, I crossed one off that very long list of things to do before I die. I went to broadcasting school.

But I can't sit here and worry about that stuff now, most times long after the said event did or did not occur. What's done, or not done in some cases, is done (or not done). I can change the things I didn't do if I so choose. But the things I did in the past can't be undone. I can't waste time and tears on something I cannot change. It's part of me now.

Don't live in the past, when the present is so promising. Pleasant surprises could be just around the next corner (along with some unpleasant ones, I'm sure). Take reasonable chances (and a few unreasonable ones *wink*); and if it works out, great! If not, what have you learned from it?

Which reminds me of this: Live as if you're going to die tomorrow; learn as if you're going to live forever. I think Gandhi said that.

With that, I think I will dry my hair and go to bed. Good night...


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--



PS: thanks for the chat. It really helped.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Stomach all tied up in knots

It's all emotional... all this stuff that's happened this week. It's getting to me. Next week doesn't promise to be any better... my birthday is next week.

I have to tell the people who offered me the non radio job that I can't take it because I don't have the money for the license application fee. I don't anticipate having that kind of money any time soon. Hell, if I did have that kind of money, there are other things I need to do with it first.

I feel weak for succumbing to my emotions yet again. It was not a conscious act on my part. It snuck on me and took me totally by surprise. I don't know if this is part of getting older, or what. If it is, I DON'T LIKE IT ONE DAMN BIT!

And this being pulled in a dozen different directions I've been feeling for the last two weeks...? I'm not really thrilled with that either. One direction could mean humiliation; another could mean rejection; still another could be what I hoped and prayed for for over two years; and yet another-- leaving all I know and going Lord knows where to make my dream of working in radio come true.

I guess it's better than not getting old at all... I think of all those young men and women who went to Iraq and didn't make it home.

Puts it all in perpective, doesn't it? Makes my problems so small and insignificant.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Yet another installment...

of Stef's horrorscope---


Stephanie's Daily Aquarius Forecast


Overview: Identify and amplify your strengths and nothing can stop you right now. Even events that you consider obstacles will turn out to be opportunities to exercise skills that will come in handy later on.

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Being there for other people when they need you -- no matter how inconvenient that happens to be -- affords those who do so with certain benefits. First off, the good feelings that go along with helping someone for absolutely no personal gain. It's also nice to know that others trust you enough to ask -- kind of makes you feel good about just being you. Well, a coworker is about to say 'thank you' -- another perk, but one you'd never even considered.


You know... I needed to hear this earlier today. Before I made the previous post.

And, yes, occassionally, I do need someone to talk things over with. The more I think about it, the more I think it's all connected to my birthday next week, and to things that have happened in the last couple of weeks. My stomach has been all tied up in knots. I don't like that feeling, and I wish it would resolve itself.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--

Winners never quit, and other frustrations...

Today was not a great day in the world of Stef...

Tempers are flaring here. Mom came close to kicking both me and Jeff out of the house. She said something to the effect that we should both be looking for other living arrangements.

She won't kick Jeff out. She'll sick Dean on him instead.

But I can't get a job fast enough to suit her. But where am I supposed to go?

I'd love nothing more than to have gotten that job in Missouri, or gotten a radio job locally. But it hasn't happened yet, and I'm getting a bit discouraged.

I can't get the money to take that other job, so there goes another opportunity.

So what do I do? I know I should keep plugging away, but why is it taking so long? Now I know why some of the people who graduated before me gave up looking. I can't afford to give up. Quit is not in my vocabulary. Not only would I be letting a lot of people down, but I would be letting myself down.

And I have to look at myself in the mirror every day. So you know I can't quit.

Sometimes, I just need someone else's point of view. Someone asked me today if there was anything they could do. At the time I said I didn't know. I should have said yes. Because I need someone to talk to. So, if you are peeking, yes, I need someone to talk to. Another perspective.

I don't want to scare them away.


And that's all from where I sit.

--MorelaterZ--